“Charlie, what’s up with the beach towel in the bathroom?” “Geesh, the ones we’re using are the worse for wear, kind of thin and scratchy, so I thought I’d give that one a go instead.” “You’re right, Honey, we do have an Econo Lodge situation. I’ve been too busy to deal with it. But things have quieted down. I’ll get right on it. You know how much I love a shopping assignment.” “That I do, dear. Make sure they’re dark.” “Dark?” “You know, so they won’t show the dirt.” So, off I went to the big city, Bangor, solo. It’s not really the kind of shopping excursion you bring a friend on. Ended up getting …

Saw Franny Ward at the A&P the other day. Franny’s having the time of her life down to Mahoosuc Green, our senior living facility in town. She must have been squeezing in a little grocery shopping between all them classes in flower arranging and exotic pole dancing. Franny is in her early eighties and is always dressed to the nines. This particular day she was sporting a fushia t-shirt with “Born to Sparkle” written in big, sparkly letters across the front. Wow! As if this wasn’t enough, the rest of the shirt had sparkles all over it, too, front and back. Just then, one of our new summer cashiers, Destiny, sidles up to me and …

I was looking through old photos, and I found this one of me getting ready to celebrate my fourth birthday. Looks like quite a party, huh? There are little cartoon characters on the tablecloth and the ever popular pointy hats. And I’m dressed to the nines, of course. Some things never change. I still like dressing up, but I’ve become more of a tiara and boa kind a gal. And I like celebrating my birthday the entire month of May. One day’s just not enough! Besides, I gotta pace myself. Now me and my friends Celeste, Rita, Betty, Dot and Shirley (aka, the Women Who Run With the Moose) get together once a week for …

So the other day, I’m working at the A&P, ringing out Pearl Plaisted when I notice she has on the cutest pair of angel earrings. “Pearl,” I says, “look at those angel earrings. Aren’t they just adorable?” (See, I believe if someone is looking sharp, you should tell them.) Pearl smiles. “Got ‘em down to the Dollar Store. Fifty cents!” “That is a bargain at twice the price! Oh, and look at your angel pin.” “Ida,” she says, “this is my guardian angel. I’ve taken to wearing it ever since that incident down to Home Depot.” No one else was in line, so I shut off my register light, “Do tell, Pearl!” “Well, Hank and …

Now, I don’t know if you know, but in a small town, one of the most dependable sources of fun is the extended practical joke. I mean, these things can (and do) go on for years, passed down from generation to generation. We don’t go in for the mean-spirited jokes in Mahoosuc Mills or anything where a person could get physically hurt. That sort of thing’s too easy. There’s no finesse involved. No, a good practical joke takes planning and creativity. It takes time and commitment. ’Cause you know if you pull a practical joke on someone, they’re going to do the same to you. It’s a bond that’s outlasted many a marriage, and when …