Ida Leclair gives readers a hilarious play by play on shopping for Spanx.

Fall’s hunting season here in Maine. Bow hunting takes place in October, and come November, they bring out the heavy artillery. So if you’re out walking in the woods, be sure to wear your blaze orange vests, hats and what not. I know, it’s not in my color wheel either, but sometimes you gotta forgo fashion for safety. Why, even our little dog Scamp wears his colors. Got him a blaze orange bandana and vest, and boy, oh boy, does he ever look cunnin.’ Hunting season always makes me think of my Grandfather, Fredrick Gilbert. Grampy was a Registered Maine Guide. Folks from away would come up to Maine to go hunting and fishing, and …

We celebrated Betty’s birthday last weekend with a party over to her house. The whole gang was there. Beautiful day for a cookout, too, and hangin’ out by the pool. So Monday afternoon, Betty gives me a ring. “Oh good, Ida, you’re there.” “Far as I can tell,” I says. “What’s up?” “You wouldn’t believe what just happened.” “Try me.” “Well, this morning I had to call the plumber ‘cause our half bath downstairs was, well, havin’ issues.” “I noticed somethin’ was funky with that toilet, on Saturday. It’s always like that when you have company, isn’t it? If it isn’t the toilet, it’s the garbage disposal backin’ up or the dishwasher starts actin’ wonky, …

Well, we had an incident up to Dot and Tommy’s camp this weekend that was wicked embarrassing. It’s really Charlie’s story to tell, so I’ll let him. After all, he is, by default, the Poet Laureate of Mahoosuc Mills. Stinkfoot, by Charlie LeClair Sunday, Ida, me and Scamp We’re up to Dot and Tommy’s camp All the gang were comin’, too Tommy planned a barbeque His plans, alas, were all in vain When darn, if it began to rain “Bring the food in!” Tommy cried And we were forced to move inside There we ate, and all was well ‘til some of them complained of smell I thought the hubbub was excessive But soon the …

“What are you makin’?” asks Charlie. “An apple pie,” I reply. “Mmm! For me?” “No, not just for you! For all of us. Tonight.” “What’s goin’ on tonight?” “We’re having dinner, remember? With Irene and Jimbo?” “We are? When did this come up?” “A couple of weeks ago. I told you!” “News to me.” “No, it’s not. Where’s your calendar?” Charlie pulls out his dog-eared pocket calendar. “I know it’s in there, Charlie. I remember watchin’ you as you scribbled it in. Probably can’t read your own handwriting.” Charlie fumbles through it. “Oh. Yeah. Guess I should look at it every now and then.” “Might be helpful. Anyhoo, if you want pie, that’s what we’re …

Bud’s the first of our little group to retire. Worked for Gagne’s & Sons Heating and Cooling for what? Thirty plus years, I guess. That’s dirty work, repairing furnaces and the like. Plus, you get called out at all hours, day and night. Weekends, too, don’t matter the weather. And unless you’re doing an annual cleaning, the people you’re dealing with are usually real upset. I mean, it’s ten degrees out, and no heat. They’re all bundled up, seein’ their breath inside the house, and Bud’s gotta be the one who tells ‘em their furnance is shot. No fun. Once he hit sixty-five, Bud was outta there. When he started talkin’ about retiring, I says …

Celeste, Rita, Betty, Dot, Shirley and me got together for our girls night out last week, per usual. Betty was hostin’ and she whipped up a batch of her Marvelous Marcel Bars. Oh, to die for! I mean, what’s not to like about something that’s made with not only an entire bag of chocolate chips, but a bag of peanut butter chips, too. After wolfin’ down one with a white wine chaser, Shirley goes, “Thanks, Betty. I needed that.” “Tough day?” I ask. “Not one of Mini’s better ones.” Mini is Shirley’s mom. Lives in the mother-in-law apartment Junior attached to he and Shirley’s house. Shirley’s one of five and the only girl, so you …

A few weeks ago, my niece Caitlin called me up and asked if she could come over. “Needed my advice about something.” I could tell she was upset. “Sure, dear, I’m here. Come on over. I’ll heat up some water for tea, and have my Certified Maine Life Guide Magic Moose Antlers at the ready!” “Thanks, Aunt Ida.” Poor Caitlin said this with a little hitch in her voice, like she was tryin’ not to cry. Charlie looks up from his paper. “What’s up?” “Oh, that was Caitlin. She’s comin’ over in about an hour for some girl talk.” “Trouble in paradise?” “That’s what I’m guessing.” Charlie downs the rest of his coffee, and gets …

Over the weekend, we went to a great Valentine’s Day Brunch at Betty and Pat’s. It was the usual suspects: Celeste and Bud, Rita and Smitty, Betty and Pat, Dot and Tommy, Shirley and Junior and me and Charlie. The food, I must say, was out of this world! I mean, what’s not to like about a meal that includes bacon and mimosas? Afterwards, we’re sittin’ around the livin’ room, enjoyin’ the wood stove and swappin’ stories, you know, like only old friends do. And because it was Valentine’s Day, these stories had a kind of lovey-dovey theme to ‘em. Junior told the one where he and Shirley were neckin’ up to Makeout Point, and …

It’s the first blog of the month again, and if you’ve been followin’, you know the drill. For those of you who don’t, my book, Finding Your Inner Moose, has twelve chapters, and I’ve decided to dedicate the first blog of every month this year to a chapter. Not too shabby, huh? My intention is to choose a little change or two from that chapter I can incorporate into my life, hoping it becomes a habit. We’re on chapter five, “Tending the Roots,” which is about friends and family. I don’t know about you, but when I think about living the good life, I imagine myself surrounded by family and friends. They’re what keeps me …