Candy Corn is not a vegetable. I know. It doesn’t seem fair. If it was, let me tell you, Doctor Oz would be very proud of me right now because I’ve been managing to squeeze in at least five servings of candy corn per day. And that’s before lunch.  The thing is, I don’t even like candy corn that much. I mean, what is it really? Well, I looked it up, and candy corn is made up of sugar, water, corn syrup and marshmallow, so it’s just packed with nutrients. Get this: a “serving size” is supposed to be 19 pieces. Seriously? We have a bottomless bowl of candy corn in our break room at …

I totally lost it over Easter! Wow, how can one person eat that many Cadbury Eggs? You know, them miniature ones with velvety cream filling or luxurious caramel? Because they’re small, I tried to fool myself into thinking they weren’t as bad as the big ones. I mean, you get all that exercise peeling off the foil wrappers, right? I think my big mistake was I bought some a week early and opened the package. Just one, I says to myself, you know, to make sure they’re not spoiled or nothing. Well, one led to another and another, and before I know it, I’ve polished off  every single one of ‘em, and I did not …

Did you give up something for Lent? That used to be a big deal, didn’t it? I don’t think people do it so much, now. Seems the older I get, the harder it is to come up with something to abstain from during Lent. It’s not that I’m so pure. It’s that I’m so boring. All the food stuff I can think of, you know, candy, ice cream, bacon and booze, I shouldn’t be indulging in anyway (though I do). And things like snapping at my husband, cursin’ and being judgmental, well, I should be watching out for those all year long. And giving up sex? Well, that’s a little extreme, don’t you think? Look, …

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Me and the Women Who Run With the Moose not only survived Black Friday, we had a heck of a good time to boot. Nothin’ new there. Though, to be honest, my right arm is still feelin’ a little wonky. Must’ve strained it carrying all those shoppin’ bags and my purse, of course, which my sister Irene calls “the overnight bag.” Even though I try to remember to switch off, I always tend to carry the heaviest stuff with my right arm. Gotta say, smart phones and textin’ have made things so much easier. For a casual shoppin’ trip, me and the girls tend to stick together. But all bets are off on Black Friday …

It sure has been busy down to the A&P, let me tell you, with folks stockin’ up on pumpkin pie filling, stuffin’ mix, jello, miniature marshmallows and what not. The smart ones are, anyways. Women who plan ahead, picking up the non-perishable items and dry goods, paper products and drinks, a week or two before the holiday. ‘Cause tryin’ to do it all in one big grocery shoppin’ is overwhelming. Just putting together the list is intiminatin’ enough. And you could get a hernia just pushin’ that shoppin’ cart to your car! Charlie and me go to my sister Irene’s for Thanksgiving. They got more room for all of us over there. I bring the …

I was lookin’ through old photo albums the other day, when I come across this Halloween gem. I don’t know what Irene and me were supposed to be, but it must have been some cold and crappy out. Check out the winter coats and boots. If you look close, you can see Irene has a knit hat on behind her cat mask. Maybe that’s why she’s holding it up, instead of wearin’ it. (That mask was probably a tight fit with the hat on.) I think I see the hint of a hood behind my mask. And what’s up with Irene’s cape, with the dancing circus dogs on it? My biggest concern when I look …