Every house project takes at least two, three, four times longer than you think it’s going to. The box that says “all parts included” is lying. You dive into repairing that little bit of rot outside the front door and discover it’s the tip of the iceberg. And don’t even get me going on window treatments and paint chips! Experience has taught me that if Charlie’s going to be attempting one of these little chores, it’s best if I’m out of the house. So Saturday, when Charlie announced he was going to install our new bathroom blind, I skedaddled down to the Busy Bee. There I met up with Irene for a little sister time. …

A few nights ago, Charlie got up to go to the bathroom, per usual. I heard him make a little sound. My eyes spring open in time to see Charlie (or the outline of him ’cause it was dark) wobble and down he went, flat on his face. It scared the bejesus outta me. I spring up. Charlie was moaning. Took both of us to get him vertical, and it weren’t pretty. He had to hold onto the bed for support. “Charlie, you need to sit for a bit before you stand up.” “Ida, I know I’m supposed to do that, but my bladder has other ideas.” I’ll let him tell you about it.  Low …

Santa brought Charlie some new underwear, and we’re having some technical issues. I’ll let Charlie tell you about it. Newfangled Shorts 4-Pack of shorts, That’s what I got, ‘Cause all of my old ones Are totally shot Elastic is gone They’re worn to the core But at least I can locate What I’m looking for You see, I got me A problem of sorts What is the deal with These newfangled shorts? Yeah, they fit, But when I gotta pee I cannot get to my gadget! They’ve re-engineered The flap, I’m guessin’ It used to work fine Why are they messin’? Don’t matter if I’m In the woods or in town There I am, anxiously …

Charlie and me are pretty much over our Happy New Year colds. Well, me mostly. Charlie still has that pesky cough. It’s the kind of thing that really revs up at night, just when you’re trying to sleep. But we’re both happy to be on the other side of it, starting to have our usual energy back. Remember when a cold lasted about three days, five max? I do. And then you’d snap out of it? Now we’re talking ten days to two weeks. What happened? Have the bugs gotten nastier or is it because we’re old? On top of recovering from this bug, I had myself what I can only call an “old snap” …

The holiday spirit is upon us! Mahoosuc Mills is getting ready for the Down Home Holiday Festival next weekend, and they just put up the tree down to Town Hall, the one with stars on it. On each star is a request for a present from a kid in town. You know, a kid whose family needs a little help. Some of them will just break your heart: a Barbie doll, Play Dough, a new winter hat and mittens. I mean, these kids have nothing. Anyone can go down there, take a star, buy the present, wrap it and drop it back to the Town Hall. If there are any stars left over, the Knights …

Charlie and me buzzed over to the Agway, Saturday. He was picking up his snow blower, which was in for a tune up, and I wanted to get some more bulbs to sneak into the ground. You know, before it’s too late. I got some assorted tulips and daffodils. Come spring, you can’t have enough of them, in my opinion. Those hopeful, green shoots pokin’ their way up out of the remaining patches of snow. Then, gorgeous flowers: red, yellow, pink, orange! It perks my spirit up, no end.  I also got three amaryllis, the kind that come in a box, you grow from scratch. Boy, when they bloom, they look so pretty on our …

When was the last time you screamed? I mean really let loose? I think mine must be riding the roller coaster down to the Skowhegan Fair eons ago. That was until the Halloween Spook-tacular at the Buchard’s Farm. See, last Thursday morning, I says to Charlie, “Why don’t we check out that haunted tour thingy over to the Buchards tonight?” “We already did that.” “Years ago. Come on. It’ll be fun.” Famous last words. First off, it was warm, like 70 degrees. You’d think that would be great, right? But it felt kinda unnatural and only served to heighten the spooky factor. Everything starts off kinda cozy at the farm stand. We’re put in a …

I had a hankering for some banana bread, is how it started. So I bought three bananas when I did the grocery shopping last week. You need ripe bananas for banana bread, so I set them aside thinking, I’ll make the bread this weekend. I says to Charlie, “I’m saving these bananas for banana bread, OK?” No reply. “Charlie!” I hold up the bananas. “I’m saving these bananas for banana bread.” “Heard you the first time.” “Well, sometimes it’s hard to tell.” “What do you want to me to do? A cartwheel” “No need to get sarcastic. A simple “OK” or “yup” would be sufficient.” Again, nothing. Honest to God! It’s enough to drive a …

So Charlie and me go to the Knights of Columbus cookout, and when we get home we have one of those couple conversations. You know the kind I mean: an eye opener. “Gee, Charlie,” I says “Celeste seemed a little stand offish to me this evening. Not quite herself. Did Bud say anything to you about it to you?” “No.” “No?” “Ida, I told you, us guys operate solely on a need to know basis.” “Well jeez, I haven’t heard from her all week. I think she must be miffed ‘cause I didn’t say anything about her new hair color last time I saw her down to the A&P.” “Ah, she probably just had a …

I spent a little over $80 on lipstick. Really! And I’m over the moon happy about it, too! See, I’ve been wearing the same shade of lipstick for years: “Berry Nice.” (Who comes up with these names, anyways?) It’s the perfect shade of lipstick for me: not too red, not too orange, not too pink. It’s just, well, Berry Nice! Oh, I’ve experimented with other colors over the years, but they never quite measure up. They might look like a good option in the store, but when I get the lipstick home and try it on for real: disaster! I either look washed out, or my skin seems kind of sallow. Or the color’s too …