Charlie and me have never really been great sleepers, and that certainly hasn’t improved with age. I usually wake up every couple of hours. I get up to pee and go right back to sleep, most of the time. Unless I start thinking, of course. A few nights ago, I slept for three straight hours. I got so excited about it, I had a hard time getting back to sleep. Luckily, I’m a good napper. Charlie’s the same. He didn’t used to pee all that much during the day, then he’d make up for it at night. Now, he has to peed almost as much as me, day and night. We try not to disturb …

Charlie’s latest brings to mind so many thoughts. Take a gander, then I’ll share ‘em with you. Look Up and Be Proud Grandpa once told me “Look up and be proud! Distinguishable From the rest of the crowd” But each time I did, Wouldn’t you know, I’d stumble or trip Over something below A rake or a pail Or the root of a tree A crusty old dog That I didn’t see There’s always some obstacle Down on the ground That is the reason I’ve always looked down My posture, I know, Has taken a hit Best thing for me? Find somewhere to sit Where I’m out of range Of things I could trip on …

Charlie and me went shopping for a new gas grill at Home Depot this weekend. The old one was plumb worn out, so it was time. I was on board with it. But let me tell you, I was not on board for two hours of comparison shopping, debating the merits of this one or that one, different “features” and questions, questions, questions, like it’s some kind of fancy sports car or something. Honest to God. And of course, there’s a whole bunch of other guys there doing the same thing. See grilling, for the most part, is a man’s territory. Don’t get me wrong, I use the gas grill. But when I do, it’s …

Over the weekend, Charlie and me went to a party at Bud and Babe Delahunt’s. They’re the ones that run the Busy Bee. You know, the bakery here in town? Well, since everybody knows them, it was a biggie. I saw folks I hadn’t seen in years. Plus, the food! Absolutely to die for! The next morning at breakfast, though, Charlie seemed a little distracted. “What’s the matter, dear?” “Oh, nothing. I was just thinking about that party last night.” “Fun, wasn’t it? How about that chocolate cake with the peanut butter frosting?” “Good thing you saved me a piece.” Charlie just sat there, hands wrapped around his mug of coffee. “What’s up?” “Got cornered …

Well, we had an incident up to Dot and Tommy’s camp this weekend that was wicked embarrassing. It’s really Charlie’s story to tell, so I’ll let him. After all, he is, by default, the Poet Laureate of Mahoosuc Mills. Stinkfoot Sunday last, we took a break To Dot and Tommy’s, by the lake All the gang were comin’, too Tommy planned a barbeque His plans, alas, were all in vain When darn, if it began to rain “Bring the food in!” Tommy cried And we were forced to move inside There we ate, and all was well ‘til some of them complained of smell I thought the hubbub was excessive But soon the smell became …

In my book, The Sweet Life, I have a whole chapter devoted to sex. Hey, it’s a book about love and marriage, so it had to be done. Doesn’t quite have the same pizzazz as when we were younger, but it’s not half bad. I’m no Dr. Ruth (I’m short, but not that short), but bottom line: I’m a firm believer in doing whatever you need to do in order to do it. I’ll spare you the details. Oh, and fantasize all you want about whoever you want, but just don’t act on it. My friend Rita learned this the hard way. Rita works down to Smitty’s Hardware, which is owned by her husband, Smitty. …

The longer I’m married, the more I realized that sometimes, men and women have completely different ways of looking at things. Like a few years ago, out of the blue, Charlie says to me, “Ida, you know what we need?” “A complete kitchen make-over?”  “Smaller.”  “Hmm, I don’t know. A set of Fiesta ware?”  “No, a boot brush?” “A boot brush?” “You know, put it by the door? Has a brush on top? You wipe your boots on it before coming into the house.” “Oh, I’ve seen those. You mean like a little porcupine, with a brush on its back?” “Well, I don’t know about a porcupine. Just your basic boot brush.” “OK, Charlie, I’ll …

Every year about this time we seem to get ants in the house. It’s just wouldn’t be spring without them. Once summer goes into full swing, they’re gone, but gosh, they’re a nuisance while they’re here. Ants are just so busy and determined. We usually don’t get a ton of ’em, but this year they’re everywhere. Our regular ant traps were doing nothing, so we brought out the big guns, you know, those liquid ant traps. Put them out Friday evening and Saturday morning it was startling. There were lines of ants coming and going. Kind of gross. Yet, we had a hard looking away. So, me and Charlie are standing there, transfixed. “Do ants …

I had a hankering for some banana bread, is how it started. So I bought three bananas when I did the grocery shopping last week. You need ripe bananas for banana bread, so I set them aside thinking, I’ll make the bread this weekend. I says to Charlie, “I’m saving these bananas for banana bread, OK?” No reply. “Charlie!” I hold up the bananas. “I’m saving these bananas for banana bread.” “Heard you the first time.” “Well, sometimes it’s hard to tell.” “What do you want to me to do? A cartwheel” “No need to get sarcastic. A simple “OK” or “yup” would be sufficient.” Again, nothing. Honest to God! It’s enough to drive a …

When is a bargain a bargain, and when is it a waste of time and money? Case in point:  What a Deal On my way home from the dump I stopped at someone’s sale I smelled a bargain lurking, and This nose, it doesn’t fail I zoomed in on some rubber boots They just jumped out at me The kind you’d wear for hunting ducks, That come up to your knee LaCrosse 800’s what they were And just as good as new They looked about my size, and fully Insulated, too “Are you a ten?” the woman asked Ten is what I wear “Then they should fit you good and snug And keep you dry …