Charlie and me went shopping for a new gas grill at Home Depot this weekend. The old one was plumb worn out, so it was time. I was on board with it. But let me tell you, I was not on board for two hours of comparison shopping, debating the merits of this one or that one, different “features” and questions, questions, questions, like it’s some kind of fancy sports car or something. Honest to God. And of course, there’s a whole bunch of other guys there doing the same thing. See grilling, for the most part, is a man’s territory. Don’t get me wrong, I use the gas grill. But when I do, it’s …
Come summer, a trip to the Dairy Queen can improve your day no end. That refreshing iced milk can calm you down or cheer you up. It’s a perfect way to celebrate winning a soft ball game or mend a broken heart. But here’s the thing. Up north where we live, you have to be careful driving down country roads after dark because of the wildlife. And I’m not talking about the Purdy brothers on their way home from tying one on down to the Brew Ha Ha. I’m refer to animals jay walking across the road. I mean, they don’t seem to pay any attention whatsoever to the “Deer or Moose Crossing” signs. We …
Charlie’s ideal outdoor temperature is about 50 to 75 degrees. More than that, he starts to droop. In heatwave like we’ve been having, he’s like a plant I forgot to water. And frankly, he can get a little cranky. Here’s the cheery poem he wrote the other day. Enjoy! Lucky Me Turkey in the road Last night Swerved to miss him Didn’t quite Then this morning, Saddened me: I ripped right through My favorite T Bananas, we got Two around And both of them Are squishy brown I thought I fixed Our kitchen faucet It still leaks I should toss it Out of gas It’s always so With just one section Left to mow My …
Me and the Dairy Queen have a love/hate relationship. All summer long I love it, and the rest of the year I take its name. Let’s just say my skinny jeans and the Peanut Buster Parfait are like Patty Duke and her cousin. They’re never seen in the same room at the same time. In the spring when the DQ opens, I start off with the Peanut Buster Parfait right out of the gate because, you know, I missed that delightful mix of vanilla soft serve, hot fudge sauce, and peanuts. It’s a sweet and salty taste sensation, and I enjoy every bite. Then I scale it back. When Charlie and me ride over to …
We just had a heat wave in Mahoosuc Mills. High 90’s in June, for God sake! When I was young, I can’t remember the temperature getting hotter than low 80’s in the height of summer. Thank goodness the A&P is air conditioned! What a difference that makes. You can almost see it on people’s faces when they walk in. They perk up a little. “Hot enough for you?” they ask. Oh, if had a dollar for every time someone said that, I’d been wealthy woman. Now, you’d think being in that air-conditioning would improve everyone’s mood, but for some, it just gives them more energy to complain. See heat like that can make folks cranky. …
It happened again, like it happens every summer. Charlie was out doing yard work and got stung by yellowjackets. He was trimming a shrub and his ladder must have hit a nest or poked a hole or something and out they came. I was taking a nap and he was working on the other side of the house, so I didn’t hear him yelling. When I got up, I found him dead asleep in the Barcalounger. He was some groggy when he finally woke up. “Charlie, you don’t seem yourself. What’s up?” “Got stung by some yellowjackets. Came it here and went to sleep.” “You didn’t think to tell me?” “No, you were napping.” “Charlie, …
“Vacationland.” That’s what it says on our Maine license plate, and it’s true. There are plenty of fun things to do here, year round. We encourage folks from away to come and spend time in the great outdoors, enjoy the sights, eat the local delicacies, drink Moxie, buy stuff. We are willing to share our beautiful State with you, but please remember: be nice to us locals! The sign says “Maine: the way life should be”, not “Just like New Jersey, only prettier.” We’re only half way through July, and us folks here in Mahoosuc Mills are already dangerously close to reaching our limit in the “being nice to rude people” department. Working down to …
I’m one of those folks who capture wasps, spiders and even stinkbugs and set them free outside. It’s just how I roll. Charlie’s gets all riled up by squirrels on the bird feeders, but I figure if they’re smart enough to get to the food, let them have a little reward. I like watching the groundhog family in our yard ’round dinner time and this year we have a little gray fox. Ants in the house cross the line, and I do put out those little ant traps. But whatever happens with that happens outta my sight, so it doesn’t seem that bad, right? But there’s something about mice in the kitchen that just doesn’t …
I know I probably shouldn’t be complaining about this. I mean, just look at the temperatures in other parts of the country. Still, I can’t remember ever being this cranky hot. We’re in Maine for God sakes! It’s not supposed to be this hot for this long. We’re not equipped to handle it. It’s like when some place down south gets an inch of snow, and it puts a monkey wrench in everything. That’s what it feels like here in Mahoosuc Mills. Everybody’s discombobulated. Charlie and me have air-conditioning in our bedroom, of course, but the rest of the house never really cools down. And humid! My makeup seems to slide around on my face. …
They’re back! Yes, I’m pleased to announce that black fly season is officially underway here in Maine. If you’re from away and unfamiliar with our black flies, oh, you are missing something! Have you ever laid on your back looking up at the clouds, and you start seeing shapes in them? Well, that’s what we do with the black flies here in Mahoosuc Mills. One day last summer, I’m out planting my window boxes and, swear to God, I see this shadow moving across our double-wide. I look up, and sure as shooting, it’s this whole swarm of them, looking one minute like the silhouette of a rabbit, the next like King Kong. Or maybe …
