This week, I stopped by Wicked Good Stuff, our little thrift shop in town, to drop off a few of things. I mean, how many mugs with logos do you really need? I also donated a  pasta maker I got at some Yankee Swap a few years back. Never did figure out how to use it. Plus, hello, you can get the fresh stuff already made down to the A&P, so why bother? I also threw in a pair of black sandals with bows that were so cute, but honey, every friggin’ time I wore them it was pure torture! It always feels good to bring stuff to the Wicked Good. First off, I love …

Me and the Dairy Queen have a love/hate relationship. All summer long I love it, and the rest of the year I take its name. Let’s just say my skinny jeans and the Peanut Buster Parfait are like Patty Duke and her cousin. They’re never seen in the same room at the same time. In the spring when the DQ opens, I start off with the Peanut Buster Parfait right out of the gate because, you know, I missed that delightful mix of vanilla soft serve, hot fudge sauce, and peanuts. It’s a sweet and salty taste sensation, and I enjoy every bite. Then I scale it back. When Charlie and me ride over to …

Before Scamp passed, I whispered in his ear, “Scamp, send us the perfect dog at the perfect time.” And he did. Charlie and me picked Cora up a week ago yesterday. The owners are moving to a condo and can’t take her with them. I felt real bad for them, but happy for us at the same time. Cora’s name was Courtney, but that was a non-starter for Charlie. He goes, “I ain’t walking no dog named Courtney.” Thank goodness for the Google. There were lots of tips on there for changing your dog’s name. We figured Cora was pretty close. Plus, it really suits her. She’s such a sweet, smart girl! We wanted a …

They’re back! Yes, I’m pleased to announce that black fly season is officially underway here in Maine. If you’re from away and unfamiliar with our black flies, oh, you are missing something! Have you ever laid on your back looking up at the clouds, and you start seeing shapes in them? Well, that’s what we do with the black flies here in Mahoosuc Mills. One day last summer, I’m out planting my window boxes and, swear to God, I see this shadow moving across our double-wide. I look up, and sure as shooting, it’s this whole swarm of them, looking one minute like the silhouette of a rabbit, the next like King Kong. Or maybe …

“Charlie, what’s up with the beach towel in the bathroom?” “Geesh, the ones we’re using are the worse for wear, kind of thin and scratchy, so I thought I’d give that one a go instead.” “You’re right, Honey, we do have an Econo Lodge situation. I’ve been too busy to deal with it. But things have quieted down. I’ll get right on it. You know how much I love a shopping assignment.” “That I do, dear. Make sure they’re dark.” “Dark?” “You know, so they won’t show the dirt.” So, off I went to the big city, Bangor, solo. It’s not really the kind of shopping excursion you bring a friend on. Ended up getting …

Saw Franny Ward at the A&P the other day. Franny’s having the time of her life down to Mahoosuc Green, our senior living facility in town. She must have been squeezing in a little grocery shopping between all them classes in flower arranging and exotic pole dancing. Franny is in her early eighties and is always dressed to the nines. This particular day she was sporting a fushia t-shirt with “Born to Sparkle” written in big, sparkly letters across the front. Wow! As if this wasn’t enough, the rest of the shirt had sparkles all over it, too, front and back. Just then, one of our new summer cashiers, Destiny, sidles up to me and …

I was looking through old photos, and I found this one of me getting ready to celebrate my fourth birthday. Looks like quite a party, huh? There are little cartoon characters on the tablecloth and the ever popular pointy hats. And I’m dressed to the nines, of course. Some things never change. I still like dressing up, but I’ve become more of a tiara and boa kind a gal. And I like celebrating my birthday the entire month of May. One day’s just not enough! Besides, I gotta pace myself. Now me and my friends Celeste, Rita, Betty, Dot and Shirley (aka, the Women Who Run With the Moose) get together once a week for …

So the other day, I’m working at the A&P, ringing out Pearl Plaisted when I notice she has on the cutest pair of angel earrings. “Pearl,” I says, “look at those angel earrings. Aren’t they just adorable?” (See, I believe if someone is looking sharp, you should tell them.) Pearl smiles. “Got ‘em down to the Dollar Store. Fifty cents!” “That is a bargain at twice the price! Oh, and look at your angel pin.” “Ida,” she says, “this is my guardian angel. I’ve taken to wearing it ever since that incident down to Home Depot.” No one else was in line, so I shut off my register light, “Do tell, Pearl!” “Well, Hank and …

Now, I don’t know if you know, but in a small town, one of the most dependable sources of fun is the extended practical joke. I mean, these things can (and do) go on for years, passed down from generation to generation. We don’t go in for the mean-spirited jokes in Mahoosuc Mills or anything where a person could get physically hurt. That sort of thing’s too easy. There’s no finesse involved. No, a good practical joke takes planning and creativity. It takes time and commitment. ’Cause you know if you pull a practical joke on someone, they’re going to do the same to you. It’s a bond that’s outlasted many a marriage, and when …

•Now that it’s spring, I walk with my friend Betty a few mornings a week. Gets us out of the house and moving and makes me feel a little less guilty about my frequent visits to the Dairy Queen. Last week, we were walking and talking a mile a minute, when I say, “Man, did I ever have a crap night’s sleep last night! Awake from about midnight to 3:00am, tossing and turning.” “Me, too! 12:00 to 3:00, wide awake. Slept fine the night before.” “Same here. Remember growing up, when our periods tended to sync up with each other?” “Oh, yeah. Getting together was a real cranky-fest.” “Bad! Well, here’s what I’m wondering. Post-menopause, …