One of the best things about getting older, is you got nothing to prove. Once you realize that, it frees up a lot of time and energy. You’re no longer worrying about what folks think or going to events you don’t really care about. You get better at saying, “Oh, I’m sorry. I already have plans that night.” You don’t need to tell them that those plans are with yourself. If you’re Charlie, having nothing to prove means knowing when to take a break when he’s doing something in the yard or hiring a professional to do it right the first time. It’s not easy to admit that you just can’t do what you used …

I ran into my old friend Joan at the DQ the other day. She was ordering a banana split. “Hey there, Joan,” I says. “What are you celebrating?” (See, I knew it had to be a special occasion. I mean, you don’t order a banana split for nothing, right?) Joan goes, “I just went for a stress test. You know, to check out your heart. Make sure you’re not about to keel over.” “Oh, I’ve never had one of those. We’re you nervous?” “You betcha. Number one, I don’t like to break a sweat. Ever. And B, I’m not what you’d call real athletic.” “I hear you.” “Still, I wanted to ace the test. Mostly …

Who was it who said, “At fifty, you get the face that you deserve?” I don’t mind the lines around my eyes all that much, or the laugh lines around my mouth. I figure I’ve earned those. But honey, what did I do to deserve this turkey gobbler neck? I believe in the concept of aging gracefully. To me, that means accepting where you’re at, then doing the best you can with what you’ve got. Let’s face it. After a certain age, it’s all about hiding and highlighting. Throw on a colorful scarf, why don’t you, to camouflage that turkey neck. Not everyone is into makeup, but there’s something about putting on a little lipstick …

March 18th was my Dad’s birthday. He’s been gone three years now. I still miss him. What a character he was! Here’s one of my favorite stories. Dad tried that computer dating thing. This was a couple years after my mom passed. He joined this Catholic dating site. A friend who’s good with computers helped him put up his profile, but he didn’t include a picture. When my niece Caitlin caught wind of that, she got Dad’s password and everything and added a nice photo of him taken at Easter dinner that year. I’ll be darned. He got so many emails, it crashed his computer! Well, he was a good looking guy. Nice head of …

March 11 was Charlie’s birthday. Me, I always try to take my birthday off from work, but Charlie doesn’t. “Ida,” he says, “after a certain age, it’s just another day. I don’t want to think about it.” My feeling is a birthday is cause for celebration, especially after a certain age. I’m on the back nine, as my golfer friend Betty says. Meaning, I’ve lived more of my life than I have left. So I say make the most of it. Heck, why confine yourself to just one day? Celebrate the whole month! Anyhoo, Charlie doesn’t make a big deal of his birthday. Still, I like to make it special. We get up earlier than …

Last week, me and the Women Who Run With the Moose, Celeste, Rita, Betty, Dot and Shirley, got together for our girls night. Betty was hosting. She was serving those little miniature cherry cheesecakes. You make ‘em in a muffin tin with a vanilla wafer on bottom. You ever had them? They’re wicked good! Dottie had just been in for a physical. “The whole “lube, oil, and filter,” as Shirley calls it. “God, don’t they ask you a lot of questions.” Dot says. “How much caffeine am I drinking? What am I doing to de-stress? How am I sleeping? How much do I poop and when?” “Did they ask how often you and Tommy do …

For years Charlie has teased me about how often I go to the bathroom. But nature (and age) have finally caught up with him. Charlie has come to realize what the Women Who Run With the Moose have known all along: if you got a chance to go, go! You never know when the next bathroom opportunity will present itself. Our motto is: Carpe pee-um! Here’s his latest. Sir Leak-alot You need things like beer And coffee to live But liquid goes through me As if I’m a sieve Of course that is why, Wherever I am, I’m always the guy Looking out for the can Restrooms, yup, they’re What I seek alot That’s why …

Ran into Pearl Plaisted at the A&P end of last week. She was doing a little pre-holiday shopping. “Hi there, Pearl,” I says, as I’m ringing her out. “I see you’re gonna to be making some pies for Thanksgiving.” “Yup! Desserts are my department. My daughter Sally cooks the main meal. Oh, and I’m responsible for the homemade cranberry sauce.” “Yum! I bet that’s good. Where’s your side kick?” I ask, referring to her husband. “Haven’t you heard? Hank’s in the hospital.” “He is?” “Pneumonia.” “No! How long’s he been in?” “Since last Wednesday.” “That’s terrible!” “Well, he’d been feeling punky for a couple of weeks. Then, he’s in the bedroom, taking a nap, when …

Lately, Charlie’s been driving me crazy with all his aches and pains. Actually, it’s not the aches and pains, because I get it, we’re old. It’s the fact that he won’t do anything about ’em. And when I gently suggest he maybe take a Tylanol and call the doctor to see what’s what, we end up with a shoot the messenger situation. I’m worried about him and want to strangle him, all at the same time. I’ll let him complain to you for a change. Write What You Know I’ve heard ’em say, “Write what you know” OK, I’ll give it a go: My ingrown toenail, let’s start there A daily source of my despair …

I was at my doctor’s office, talking to her about some digestive problems I’ve been having lately, and she says to me, “You know, Ida, the older you get, the more your body becomes like a nun’s.” That caught me off guard at first, but I pondered it and she kind of has a point. After a certain age, there’s just a lot less margin for error. Gotta somehow keep yourself pure. But tell me, where’s the fun in that? It seems like this happens overnight. But if you stop and think about it, you realize that’s not really true. Our bodies have been trying to get our attention, but we haven’t been taking the …