So I’m working at the A&P on Thursday, when I overhear a conversation between Amy Plourde and Stephanie Jackson that went something like this: “How’d your yard sale go last weekend?” Amy asks. “What a waste of time!” Stephanie replies. “First, we spend all day Friday getting ready. Then, we get up at the crack of dawn on Saturday and haul it out to the driveway, while people with big vans and pick-ups cruise back and forth like sharks, waiting for us to set up.” “Early birds!” “Yeah, a lot of ‘em dealers! When they finally park and get out of their trucks, (leaving them running, mind you), they strut around like crows, picking stuff …

Things have slowed down to a crawl at the A&P. It’s not that we have less business or that us employees are losing our touch. No, it’s because of these mysterious “micro chips” embedded into your new credit and debit cards. The powers that be installed the card reader for ‘em last week, and like a lot of things that are supposed to make life easier, it’s turned out to be a real pain in the patooti. Why? Well, if you’ve tried one, you know. First off, if you insert the card too early, we have to start again. If you insert the card too late, we have to start again. If you take it …

The warmer weather brings all sorts of creatures out of their hidey holes. The chipmunks are making a ruckus in the yard and we have 100% occupancy in our bird houses––five in all. Down to the A&P, I’ve spotted many a young buck in his spring uniform of choice: shorts, t-shirt, flip flops and a polar fleece vest. His female counterpart is wearing flip flops, too, usually with skinny jeans, a t-shirt and a big scarf. A variation of this getup is to substitute UGG’s for the flip flops and short-shorts for the jeans. Apparently, these young folk subscribe to wardrobe averaging. Meaning summer clothes, plus one winter item equals a legitimate spring ensemble. For …

Ida discusses her fascination with the TLC show, “Extreme Couponing.”

So, I’m working checkout at the A&P, right? When I hear this conversation out of the corner of my ear: two women, voices lowered, talking fast in a urgent sort way. I mean, who wouldn’t listen in? “He wakes me up every morning at 5:00.” “Every morning?” “Like clockwork. I don’t mind it so much on week days. I have to be up for work, anyways. But, it’s the weekends, too.” “You think he’d let you sleep in at least one morning.” “Nope. He just won’t give it a rest. At first I thought it was kind of  cute, you know? But frankly, it’s wearing me down!” “I don’t blame you. Not every morning.” Well, …

You know how we tend to confide in our hairdresser or bartender? As a cashier down to the A&P, folks tend to confide in me, too, even if they don’t always know they’re doin’ it. ‘Cause checkin’ out a person’s groceries is more intimate than you image. You know who’s drinkin’ a little too much, who has a Doritos habit and who’s addicted to the National Inquirer. You see the same folks once a week, minimum, and you can kind of sense whether they’re feelin’ their oats or not. So I’m workin’ register 3 per usual, cashin’ out Roberta “Bobbie” Robbins, makin’ conversation, like you do. “How’s that cute little dog of yours? Blah, blah. …

I run into my cousin Ronnie’s daughter, Shannon, down to the Wally Mart the other day. She was there with her friend, Emily. They’re cute girls, both in their mid-twenties, unattached. You should have seen their shopping cart loaded to the gills with paper towels, toilet paper, feminine products and about twenty bottles of Oil of Olay. “Wow,” I says, “would you look at that haul!” “We’ve been couponing!” Shannon says. “Got some wicked good deals, too.” “I’ll bet.” Now, working at the A&P, I know my way around coupons. And since the economy went south, I’ve seen more and more people using them. Why not save money where you can, right? Heck, growing up, …

As many of you probably know, I work as a cashier at the A&P (actually, it’s been “Super Food World” for at least five years now, but everyone ‘round here still calls it the A&P). So anyways, I’ve been a cashier since before I graduated high school, and let me tell you, I’ve seen it all. I know who’s doing the cabbage soup diet or who’s on Weight Watchers, who has a Ben & Jerry’s habit, who’s been drinking too much Bud Light, who’s reading National Inquirer and who buys Playboy. I can’t name names, of course, because of Super Food World cashier’s code of ethics. But let’s just say, most of the time, I …