Here’s a story of misspent youth, courtesy of Charlie. Physics 101 We saw it all happen, my friend Bud and me From the booth where we sat at the ol’ Busy Bee Waiting we were, for the rest of the boys We heard, of a sudden, this terrible noise Almost as if we were hearing a fight This pickup pulled up to our one traffic light With rock music blarin’, speakers all blown And some jackass yellin’ he’s “bad to the bone” Bangin’ the beat on the side of his door Then hootin’ and hollerin’, yellin’ some more “Who is this clown?” says Bud with a frown The notorious Whitey Junior By that I mean …

Charlie’s ideal outdoor temperature is about 50 to 75 degrees. More than that, he starts to droop. In heatwave like we’ve been having, he’s like a plant I forgot to water. And frankly, he can get a little cranky. Here’s the cheery poem he wrote the other day. Enjoy! Lucky Me Turkey in the road Last night Swerved to miss him Didn’t quite Then this morning, Saddened me: I ripped right through My favorite T Bananas, we got Two around And both of them Are squishy brown I thought I fixed Our kitchen faucet It still leaks I should toss it Out of gas It’s always so With just one section Left to mow My …

We just had a heat wave in Mahoosuc Mills. High 90’s in June, for God sake! When I was young, I can’t remember the temperature getting hotter than low 80’s in the height of summer. Thank goodness the A&P is air conditioned! What a difference that makes. You can almost see it on people’s faces when they walk in. They perk up a little. “Hot enough for you?” they ask. Oh, if had a dollar for every time someone said that, I’d been wealthy woman. Now, you’d think being in that air-conditioning would improve everyone’s mood, but for some, it just gives them more energy to complain. See heat like that can make folks cranky. …

Went to a plant sale in front of town hall on Saturday. It was sponsored by the Mahoosuc Mills Garden Club. They’re the ones that keep our town looking spiffy all summer long, with flowers in big containers along Main Street. They always have some nice plants, and the money goes to a good cause, so it’s a win/win. The Garden Club members are big into gardening, as you can imagine. Some more than others. I’ll let Charlie tell you about it. Goin’ to the Plant Sale So, I’m at the local plant sale Holding something Ida’s found “Charlie, would you wait here While I have a look around?” What’s that buzzing I keep hearing …

I don’t know what’s gotten into Charlie. You’d think he’d be tired from all that snowblowing, roof raking and shoveling, but he keeps cranking out one poem after another. I guess he has more time than usual to think while he’s moving all that snow around. We’re almost through February folks. Hang in there. Construction’s Afoot Listen, you hear ’em? Right through the wall? Tat-a-tat-tat Is their tireless call Construction’s afoot Up there in the trees Woodpeckers turning them Into Swiss cheese Look at the damage Those woodpeckers do! Some of them holes, You can see through! “Tat-a-tat-tat,” They hammer away, Building their nests On a cold winter’s day That limb to the right? All …

Every house project takes at least two, three, four times longer than you think it’s going to. The box that says “all parts included” is lying. You dive into repairing that little bit of rot outside the front door and discover it’s the tip of the iceberg. And don’t even get me going on window treatments and paint chips! Experience has taught me that if Charlie’s going to be attempting one of these little chores, it’s best if I’m out of the house. So Saturday, when Charlie announced he was going to install our new bathroom blind, I skedaddled down to the Busy Bee. There I met up with Irene for a little sister time. …

A few nights ago, Charlie got up to go to the bathroom, per usual. I heard him make a little sound. My eyes spring open in time to see Charlie (or the outline of him ’cause it was dark) wobble and down he went, flat on his face. It scared the bejesus outta me. I spring up. Charlie was moaning. Took both of us to get him vertical, and it weren’t pretty. He had to hold onto the bed for support. “Charlie, you need to sit for a bit before you stand up.” “Ida, I know I’m supposed to do that, but my bladder has other ideas.” I’ll let him tell you about it.  Low …

Santa brought Charlie some new underwear, and we’re having some technical issues. I’ll let Charlie tell you about it. Newfangled Shorts 4-Pack of shorts, That’s what I got, ‘Cause all of my old ones Are totally shot Elastic is gone They’re worn to the core But at least I can locate What I’m looking for You see, I got me A problem of sorts What is the deal with These newfangled shorts? Yeah, they fit, But when I gotta pee I cannot get to my gadget! They’ve re-engineered The flap, I’m guessin’ It used to work fine Why are they messin’? Don’t matter if I’m In the woods or in town There I am, anxiously …

It happened again, like it happens every summer. Charlie was out doing yard work and got stung by yellowjackets. He was trimming a shrub and his ladder must have hit a nest or poked a hole or something and out they came. I was taking a nap and he was working on the other side of the house, so I didn’t hear him yelling. When I got up, I found him dead asleep in the Barcalounger. He was some groggy when he finally woke up. “Charlie, you don’t seem yourself. What’s up?” “Got stung by some yellowjackets. Came it here and went to sleep.” “You didn’t think to tell me?” “No, you were napping.” “Charlie, …

I’m one of those folks who capture wasps, spiders and even stinkbugs and set them free outside. It’s just how I roll. Charlie’s gets all riled up by squirrels on the bird feeders, but I figure if they’re smart enough to get to the food, let them have a little reward. I like watching the groundhog family in our yard ’round dinner time and this year we have a little gray fox. Ants in the house cross the line, and I do put out those little ant traps. But whatever happens with that happens outta my sight, so it doesn’t seem that bad, right? But there’s something about mice in the kitchen that just doesn’t …