I used to hate getting “Ma’am-ed.” You know what I’m talking about. “Are you ready to order, ma’am?” Sometimes, I’d even say, “Did you just ma’am me?” Being called ma’am is a sign of respect if you live down south. But up north, it just means you’re old. But now, I seem to have progressed to a whole other level. Ma’am has become “dear, “hon” or “Miss.” That’s the one I hate the most. “Miss.” Like I’ve become so elderly, I’ve traveled past ma’am and am back where I started. Charlie’s noticed it, too, but being called “hon” by the gals waiting on him seems to put a bounce in his step. I don’t have …

Hard to tell what goes on in other people’s marriages, but sometimes you wonder. Can’t help it. There’s this couple from away that Charlie and me see when we’re out and about. They’ve only been in town a couple of years. We don’t know them and I haven’t been able to dig up much info. I think they pretty much keep themselves to themselves. Charlie and me have nicknamed them Fred and Ethel. About the only time we see them is when they’re out walking or riding their bikes. We’ve never once had just a Fred or just an Ethel sighting. Nope, it’s Fred and Ethel together, and Fred is always smiling. Ethel is friendly …

Charlie and me had a nice, quiet Christmas, just the two of us. (As a cashier down to the A&P, I’m on the front lines, so no socializing with loved ones inside for me.) Yes, it was kind of lonesome, but we zoomed with my sister Irene and her family and my dad down to Mahoosuc Green. That helped. We took a long walk with Scamp on the 24th. I cooked us a nice roast pork dinner with homemade applesauce, twice baked potatoes with sour cream and bacon, a green bean bake and a pineapple upside down cake for dessert. Yum! It poured on Christmas day, just like on Thanksgiving. So, 2020, right? But hey, …

Last Saturday, I run into Mikey’s Meat Market to get some bacon, went to order, and realized I was naked! No mask! I have never done that before. Sure, I’ve forgotten my mask, remembered halfway to the door, then had to go back to my car. But I’ve never actually walked into a store without one. The weird thing is, it felt unnatural. I went to order, realized what I’d done, covered my mouth with my hand and said, “Oh my God! I forgot my mask. I’ll be right back.” And I dashed outta there. It’s amazing how we’ve adapted to a new normal. It’s not always easy, though. Here’s Charlie’s latest. Where’s My Mask? …

When your dog gets excited, does he sneeze? I read on the internet, it means that they’re happy. Well then, our dog Scamp must be extra happy because when we’re getting ready to take our morning walk Charlie, Scamp, and me, our little fella turns into a sneezing fool. I mean, one sneeze right after another. It’s kind of funny unless you’re running late, then it’s kind of irritating. That’s because Scamp’s not a multi-tasker. If he’s sneezing, he can’t do anything else. Especially not sit still to don his halter and leash. Charlie was so taken with this trait, he wrote a poem about it. Hot to Trot Imagine you’re so hot to trot …

When is a bargain a bargain, and when is it a waste of time and money? Case in point:  What a Deal On my way home from the dump I stopped at someone’s sale I smelled a bargain lurking, and This nose, it doesn’t fail I zoomed in on some rubber boots They just jumped out at me The kind you’d wear for hunting ducks, That come up to your knee LaCrosse 800’s what they were And just as good as new They looked about my size, and fully Insulated, too “Are you a ten?” the woman asked Ten is what I wear “Then they should fit you good and snug And keep you dry …

Holy cow! Are there a lot of stunk bugs this year, or what? You know what I’m talking about. Those brownish bugs about a ½ inch long that appear in your house toward the end of September, beginning of October. The ones that, if you upset them or, God forbid squish them, they emit a terrible odor? It’s a smell that lingers, and (get this) attracts other stink bugs! I know! Where’s the justice? You try sealing everything up, but they’re sneaky. They say on the internet that stink bugs are harmless. But are they really? The irritation alone is enough to raise you blood pressure. And, as you know, I have a wicked sharp …

It’s been so nice to have some straight up fall weather. Seems like it went directly from summer to winter for a bit. I mean, beginning of September, I’m walking my little buddy Scamp in the morning and it’s 34 degrees. What the heck, Mother Nature? We’re just making friends with one season, now you’re throwing in another one? It’s unnatural, disconcerting. So about par for the course for 2020, right? And what about that orangey-red sun last week? I saw it one morning when I was walking Scamp. Kind of spooky. Charlie thought so, too. Orange Today I saw this orange sun As I drove into town The sky, it wasn’t blue at all …

In last week’s blog, I talked about my approach to yard sales at the moment. Now, Charlie’s never been as big on going to yard sales as me. But call it a “Barn Sale” or a “Moving Sale” and he’s there. See, my hubby is a sucker for tools and old rusty junk. Can’t help himself. He’s drawn like a moth to a flame. Like last week when he dropped by Bruce Fecteau’s “Everything Must Go Moving Sale.” Cutting Loose My friend Bruce is cutting loose   “Cuttin’ loose, ‘cause what’s the use   Of stayin’ put, hangin’ ‘round?   Got no one to tie me down!” Before he set out on the trail I stopped …

How many times have you been running errands, gotten out of your car, been halfway to the door of the store and realized you forgot your mask? I know! Happens to me all then time, and I see it happen to others, too. There’s this quick step routine we do. Sigh and mutter to yourself as you pivot. Walk briskly back to the car while taking your frustration out on the key fob and the car door. Reach in and grab your mask, slam the door and aggressively lock it. Put the darn thing on as you fast march back towards the store. You probably only lost a couple minutes of time, but it seems …