The other day, Charlie and me were out walking Cora around the neighborhood. We passed Frank Ward’s place. He has a bigger than usual garage and works on vintage cars in his spare time. He’d just gotten a delivery of a new, old car, and there’s a couple of guys from away hanging out, coffee mugs in hand. Never seen ‘em before. The owners maybe? Being neighborly, I say, “Hi, there.” And Charlie goes, “Boy, that sure is beauty. Looks like it just needs a little TLC.” Then outta the blue, one of the guys (who frankly seemed a little lit to me) looks at us and goes, “Did you know there are three types …

Charlie come up with a corker this week. Gosh, I love that guy! My BarkaLounger Dream Fishing, that’s what I was doin’ On a lake I’d been canoein’ Water was the only sound No one else for miles around A brand new plug I’ve never tried Pabst Blue Ribbon by my side There I was, doin’ fine Felt a tug on the line Suddenly a children’s scream Destroyed my Barcalounger Dream Destroyed! Kablooey! Demoed! Blasted! Dream was lovely while it lasted Neighbor’s pool, that’s the spot Where kids all gather when it’s hot And shriek with all their kiddie powers Just goes on like that for hours What a bunch of little brats! Imagine adults …

Folks, I’m feeling a little out of sorts this morning. Yeah, yeah, I know what you’re thinking: Hurricane Ida, right? Like I haven’t heard jokes like that all week. You just wait until you have a hurricane named after you! The last time this happened to me was in 2009, and it seems too soon for it to happen again. Speaking of too soon, and the reason I’m a little down right now, one of the saddest days of summer happened last Monday. You know what I’m talking about: the arrival of our hardy mums down to the A&P. (Sigh.) Sure, they have tight little buds at the moment, but that means we’re only a …

When your dog gets excited, does he sneeze? I read on the internet, it means that they’re happy. Well then, our dog Scamp must be extra happy because when we’re getting ready to take our morning walk Charlie, Scamp, and me, our little fella turns into a sneezing fool. I mean, one sneeze right after another. It’s kind of funny unless you’re running late, then it’s kind of irritating. That’s because Scamp’s not a multi-tasker. If he’s sneezing, he can’t do anything else. Especially not sit still to don his halter and leash. Charlie was so taken with this trait, he wrote a poem about it. Hot to Trot Imagine you’re so hot to trot …

When is a bargain a bargain, and when is it a waste of time and money? Case in point:  What a Deal On my way home from the dump I stopped at someone’s sale I smelled a bargain lurking, and This nose, it doesn’t fail I zoomed in on some rubber boots They just jumped out at me The kind you’d wear for hunting ducks, That come up to your knee LaCrosse 800’s what they were And just as good as new They looked about my size, and fully Insulated, too “Are you a ten?” the woman asked Ten is what I wear “Then they should fit you good and snug And keep you dry …

Holy cow! Are there a lot of stunk bugs this year, or what? You know what I’m talking about. Those brownish bugs about a ½ inch long that appear in your house toward the end of September, beginning of October. The ones that, if you upset them or, God forbid squish them, they emit a terrible odor? It’s a smell that lingers, and (get this) attracts other stink bugs! I know! Where’s the justice? You try sealing everything up, but they’re sneaky. They say on the internet that stink bugs are harmless. But are they really? The irritation alone is enough to raise you blood pressure. And, as you know, I have a wicked sharp …

Candy Corn is not a vegetable. I know. It doesn’t seem fair. If it was, let me tell you, Doctor Oz would be very proud of me right now because I’ve been managing to squeeze in at least five servings of candy corn per day. And that’s before lunch. The thing is, I don’t even like candy corn that much. I mean, what is it really? Well, I looked it up, and candy corn is made up of sugar, water, corn syrup and marshmallow, so it’s just packed with nutrients. Get this: a “serving size” is supposed to be 19 pieces. Seriously? I have a bottomless bowl of candy corn at home and every time …

I’ve been missing my mom a lot lately. Some of it has to do with the fact that it’s October, her birthday month. It’s also the anniversary of her death, in a couple of weeks. But it’s more than that. Missing is strange, isn’t it? I can go days or even weeks without thinking of my mom, then I see her handwriting on a recipe, and bang! There she is. Or I watch a little girl, all dolled up for her first day of school, holding her mom’s hand, and I think, “I miss you, Mom.” I used to get a little pang of envy whenever I’d see my friend Rita scoring a piece of …

The poet of Mahoosuc Mills strikes again. Boots Need Waxing Boots need waxin’ once a year ‘Specially if you’re hunting deer Any decent goo will do “Moose snot” is what we call it, here It kind of looks like that to us. To use it, you don’t have to fuss: Brush your boots off to begin, Then gob it on and rub it in Your huntin’ day will not be blotted If your boots are good and snotted Mine were not when we set out And I went on my own to scout  These tracks that started leading me Around this big, blown-over tree On down a hill with rocks and such And through this …

Sad to say, yard sale season is just about at an end for this year, but there are still bargains to be had. I was out browsing around the area with Dottie last weekend, seeing if we could score some last minute deals. She’s always looking for stuff for up to their camp. “You mind if I bring Scamp?” I ask. Scamp’s our little dog. Cute as a button, if I do say so myself. “Nah, bring him along.” Scamp just loves being part of the pack. He’s happy to go anywhere, anytime. And you know what? The little bugger is a great negotiating tool. Softens up even the most tight fisted seller. If I’m …