A few weeks ago, my niece Caitlin called me up and asked if she could come over. “Needed my advice about something.” I could tell she was upset. “Sure, dear, I’m here. Come on over. I’ll heat up some water for tea, and have my Certified Maine Life Guide Magic Moose Antlers at the ready!” “Thanks, Aunt Ida.” Poor Caitlin said this with a little hitch in her voice, like she was trying not to cry. Charlie looks up from his paper. “What’s up?” “Oh, that was Caitlin. She’s coming over in about an hour for some girl talk.” “Trouble in paradise?” “That’s what I’m guessing.” Charlie downs the rest of his coffee, and gets …

The longer I’m married, the more I realized that sometimes, men and women have completely different ways of looking at things. Like a few years ago, out of the blue, Charlie says to me, “Ida, you know what we need?” “A complete kitchen make-over?”  “Smaller.”  “Hmm, I don’t know. A set of Fiesta ware?”  “No, a boot brush?” “A boot brush?” “You know, put it by the door? Has a brush on top? You wipe your boots on it before coming into the house.” “Oh, I’ve seen those. You mean like a little porcupine, with a brush on its back?” “Well, I don’t know about a porcupine. Just your basic boot brush.” “OK, Charlie, I’ll …

Charlie come up with a doozy this week, an anthem of sorts. It’s part confession, part bragging, and not a word of it is true. Right! Think: semi-truck with a cracked muffler.  I Snore I snore, I know Everyone has told me so I sputter, I snort Not a very glowing report I tried elevatin’ Our old box spring Squirt something up my nose But it doesn’t do a thing I snore, so what? I wish that I could keep my mouth shut But I can’t, I’ve tried Even though I sleep on my side I wake up all alone My wife got up at four She fled to the couch Couldn’t take it anymore …

Bud’s the first of our little group to retire. Worked for Gagne’s & Sons Heating and Cooling for what? Thirty plus years, I guess. That’s dirty work, repairing furnaces and the like. Plus, you get called out at all hours, day and night. Weekends, too, don’t matter the weather. And unless you’re doing an annual cleaning, the people you’re dealing with are usually real upset. I mean, it’s ten degrees out, and no heat. They’re all bundled up, seeing their breath inside the house, and Bud’s gotta be the one who tells ‘em their furnace is shot. No fun. Once he hit sixty-five, Bud was outta there. When he started talking about retiring, I says …

Charlie come home from work last Friday, and I could tell he was a little thrown off. Usually, I got dinner all set out for him. “What’s up?” he says, staring at me with my coat on, ready to go. “Don’t you remember? Caitlin’s art opening?” “Oh, gees…” Clearly, he hadn’t. “Come on, Charlie. It’ll be good for us.” See, my niece Caitlin and her boyfriend Adam are part of this group art show at To Bean or Not to Bean, Mahoosuc Mills’s very own coffee shop and performance art space. Just opened up in one of the old mill buildings last fall. I don’t think they’re going to put the Busy Bee out of …

The title says it all. Don’t read this while you’re eating. In fact, if you’re a tad squeamish, give this one a miss. You’ve been warned. As we get older, our bodies change and our bodily functions can get funky. Women are used to enduring all manner of embarrassing stuff when it comes to our bodies. Men, not so much. So, when the you-know-what hits the fan (so to speak), it can shake a guy up. I’ll let Charlie tell you all about it. You’re welcome. She Does the Laundry While my wife does the laundry As best as she can I’ve been pushing the limits Of what she can stand “Have you got a …

I’ve heard that rich people find it kind of tacky to talk about money. But for the rest of us, well, we gotta. I’m not saying you need to be hashing it over morning, noon and night, but you and your spouse do need to be on the same page in this department. Otherwise, it can be the one thing that does you in. I learned this the hard way when Charlie and me first got married. Neither of us were making much money. I was working down to the A&P, of course, and Charlie was at the mill. He’s a foreman there now, but he started out at the bottom doing odd jobs. We …

With all that’s going on in the country, it seems like we’ve forgotten some basic things we were taught as a kid. What happened to common courtesy? I miss it! So the other day, I’m on the phone with this catalogue company (I had a question about sizing, but that’s another blog). I pressed 2 and 1 and they launch into the usual spiel. “You’re a valuable customer, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah . . . The next available representative will be with you in a moment.” And I say, “Thank you!” It’s a recording, for God’s sake! I continue listening to a touching rendition of “Yesterday,” when I hear, “Your call is important to …

What to wear? What to have for dinner? God, I’m tired of making decisions! What time do we have to leave for the potluck? What should I make for the potluck, and when do I put it in the oven so it’s still warm when it gets there, but not too hot to handle? Sometimes, I think if I have to make another decision, my head will explode! Part of being a grownup is making decisions, of course. It kind of comes with the territory. Ever wonder why kids have more energy than we do? Stuff’s decided for ‘em! I think that’s why people hide out in monasteries and ashrams (or whatever they’re called). It’s …

After a certain age, your body changes. You and I know this to be true. The fat in your butt inches it’s way ‘round your stomach. That extra plumpness that was keeping your breast perky has headed south for the duration, taking up permanent residence on your inner thighs. Your hair migrates from where you want it to someplace else, where you don’t. Then there’s the feet. Women, like me, tend to get bunions caused by shoes that are too tight, too narrow or too high. In short, they’re cute, but impractical. Hey, you have to suffer to be beautiful, right? Men get what Charlie and his friends call “old man feet.” I don’t even …