Charlie went Home Depot last week, and wrote a poem about it. Cute Cashier Cute cashier in the check-out line Perky as heck at the start of her shift Perky’s contagious, you catch my drift? A good day, I’d say she’s begun it If she’d asked me to stand on my head, I’d have done it Or tried, anyway It wouldn’t be pretty I might have more luck If I sung her a ditty But people behind me Don’t need a song They need me to pay her And just move along Cute cashier in the check-out line Perky and cute, that’s a real gift Gives an ol’ bugger like this one a lift A …

Saturday morning, off I go to walk the dog. We step onto the deck, about ready to go down the stairs and yikes! That part of the deck collapses and down I go. Luckily, Cora was ahead of me, so she was okay. And so was I, amazingly. Three boards let go and I went straight down about three and a half feet. My first thought was, thank God it wasn’t Charlie. I knew he was going to the transfer station later in the morning and would be carrying stuff. Plus, it was a Ida-sized hole and I landed on my feet in the middle of it. Not a scratch on me. I’m thinking it …

Last Saturday, my back went out. I mean way out. I have no idea what I did or why it happened. I cleaned the house, but that’s nothing out of the ordinary for the weekend. All I did different is scrub the kitchen counter. The Formica had gotten away from me and was looking kind of grody. It was clean, but there were some unsightly stains. I was using one of them Magic Erasers, which are a miracle of modern science. (I know! I sound like a commercial, right?) One of them marks was stubborn and I had to put some elbow grease into it. Could I have suffered a cleaning related injury? All I …

For years Charlie has teased me about how often I go to the bathroom. But nature (and age) have finally caught up with him. Charlie has come to realize what the Women Who Run With the Moose have known all along: if you got a chance to go, go! You never know when the next bathroom opportunity will present itself. Our motto is: Carpe pee-um! Here’s his latest. Sir Leak-alot You need things like beer And coffee to live But liquid goes through me As if I’m a sieve Of course that is why, Wherever I am, I’m always the guy Looking out for the can Restrooms, yup, they’re What I seek alot That’s why …

Over the weekend, Charlie and me went to a party at Bud and Babe Delahunt’s. They’re the ones that run the Busy Bee. You know, the bakery here in town? Well, since everybody knows them, it was a biggie. I saw folks I hadn’t seen in years. Plus, the food! Absolutely to die for! The next morning at breakfast, though, Charlie seemed a little distracted. “What’s the matter, dear?” “Oh, nothin’. I was just thinking about that party last night.” “Fun, wasn’t it? How about that chocolate cake with the peanut butter frosting?” “Good thing you saved me a piece.” Charlie just sat there, hands wrapped around his mug of coffee. “What’s up?” “Got cornered …

Charlie and me went to a dance down to the VFW this weekend, a benefit for the Moose Megantic High School Band Boosters. The theme was  “Rockin’ to the Oldies.” I says to Charlie, “We’re oldies. Let’s go!” We had a fun time, too, once it got going. But that took awhile, because someone hired professional dancers to kick off the evening with dance lessons. Charlie and me didn’t have much interest in that. It’s not like we think we’re perfect dancers or something. Far from it. But like a lot of couples, we have our own style. We don’t give a hoot about doing it “the right way.” Anyways, after teaching us how to …

The other day, I was chatting with Charlie at supper, like you do. We’re catching up on our day, what happened at work, all that. I was telling him about running into Claudia Peavey down to the A&P. I’ve told you about Claudia and her husband Kurt before. Charlie and me refer to them as the “Yeah, but’s.” Meaning, don’t matter what you say to them, they’ll “yeah, but” you. For example, I say, “Hi, Claudia. Beautiful day out there, isn’t it?” And Claudia replies, “Yeah, but, it’s supposed to rain tomorrow.” You know the drill. So Charlie says to me, “What’s up with Claudia’s eyebrows?” Charlie asks me questions like this all the time. …

Charlie and me have never really been great sleepers, and that certainly hasn’t improved with age. I usually wake up every couple of hours. I get up to pee and go right back to sleep, most of the time. Unless I start thinking, of course. A few nights ago, I slept for three straight hours. I got so excited about it, I had a hard time getting back to sleep. Luckily, I’m a good napper. Charlie’s the same. He doesn’t seem to pee all that much during the day, but he makes up for it at night. Here’s his latest. Hardly Slept At All Last Night Hardly slept at all last night Bedtime was a …

Charlie’s helping me out with my blog while I’m busy dealing with the stuff you have to do after someone dies. Dad did a good job of setting things up right, but there’s still a bunch of details to take care of. Thanks, Charlie! A Non-Issue  Our gas range, of course, comes with a timer When your stuff is cooked, it lets out a beep A beep that repeats ’til you hit the button A beep sure to wake me if I am asleep A dependable sound we’ve come to rely on When baking or cooking all manner of grub A beep, I’m afraid, that has kind of decayed Into something more like you would …

Have you ever had a chore that just gets shuffled from one to-do list to another? Something that needs to be fixed or put away or thrown away, but you never to get to it. “Maybe tomorrow,” you say. But tomorrow never comes. And by the by, you don’t even notice anymore when you jiggle the handle of the pesky toilet. Or automatically bump your hip against that drawer that sticks when you come to shut it Well, you’re not alone. Charlie got inspired. Not to do his chore, but to write a poem about not doing it.  I’ll Get To It One Of These Days There’s a nail head that catches my shovel, it …