The title says it all. Don’t read this while you’re eating. In fact, if you’re a tad squeamish, give this one a miss. You’ve been warned. As we get older, our bodies change and our bodily functions can get funky. Women are used to enduring all manner of embarrassing stuff when it comes to our bodies. Men, not so much. So, when the you-know-what hits the fan (so to speak), it can shake a guy up. I’ll let Charlie tell you all about it. You’re welcome. She Does the Laundry While my wife does the laundry As best as she can I’ve been pushing the limits Of what she can stand “Have you got a …

April nor’easter! Now, there’s two words that should never be used together in a sentence. It’s unnatural, but not unexpected. We’ve had such an easy winter here in Maine, we got lolled into taking our snow tires off and putting away the shovels, scoops, and roof rakes. But, Mother Nature had other ideas. What a kick in the pants! But, us Mainers hardy. We do what needs to be done to put things back in order. We bounce back, like the crocus and daffodils, all of us looking for the sun. Charlie had some cleaning up to do in the yard, as you can imagine. I’ll let him tell you about it.  Such Is April …

I’ve heard that rich people find it kind of tacky to talk about money. But for the rest of us, well, we gotta. I’m not saying you need to be hashing it over morning, noon and night, but you and your spouse do need to be on the same page in this department. Otherwise, it can be the one thing that does you in. I learned this the hard way when Charlie and me first got married. Neither of us were making much money. I was working down to the A&P, of course, and Charlie was at the mill. He’s a foreman there now, but he started out at the bottom doing odd jobs. We …

With all that’s going on in the country, it seems like we’ve forgotten some basic things we were taught as a kid. What happened to common courtesy? I miss it! So the other day, I’m on the phone with this catalogue company (I had a question about sizing, but that’s another blog). I pressed 2 and 1 and they launch into the usual spiel. “You’re a valuable customer, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah . . . The next available representative will be with you in a moment.” And I say, “Thank you!” It’s a recording, for God’s sake! I continue listening to a touching rendition of “Yesterday,” when I hear, “Your call is important to …

As you probably know by now, me and my friends, Celeste, Rita, Betty, Dot and Shirley (or the Women Who Run with the Moose, as we call ourselves) get together once a week for a little girlfriend time. Been doing this since Moby Dick was a minnow. God, we have some laughs! Like last week, we buzz on over to the all-you-can-eat-buffet down to the Hukilau Polynesian Restaurant. We just love going there. It’s so, I don’t know, exotic. We order our usual: a couple of pupu platters, then on to the buffet for egg rolls, fried rice, lo mien, and some kind of meat on sticks (we don’t ask questions). The girls split a …

What to wear? What to have for dinner? God, I’m tired of making decisions! What time do we have to leave for the potluck? What should I make for the potluck, and when do I put it in the oven so it’s still warm when it gets there, but not too hot to handle? Sometimes, I think if I have to make another decision, my head will explode! Part of being a grownup is making decisions, of course. It kind of comes with the territory. Ever wonder why kids have more energy than we do? Stuff’s decided for ‘em! I think that’s why people hide out in monasteries and ashrams (or whatever they’re called). It’s …

After a certain age, your body changes. You and I know this to be true. The fat in your butt inches it’s way ‘round your stomach. That extra plumpness that was keeping your breast perky has headed south for the duration, taking up permanent residence on your inner thighs. Your hair migrates from where you want it to someplace else, where you don’t. Then there’s the feet. Women, like me, tend to get bunions caused by shoes that are too tight, too narrow or too high. In short, they’re cute, but impractical. Hey, you have to suffer to be beautiful, right? Men get what Charlie and his friends call “old man feet.” I don’t even …

Now usually, if I’ve got shopping to do, I try to rope in my sister or girlfriends. But shopping for a bra, that’s different. It takes concentration and fortitude. There’s no fooling around. So last weekend, off I went all by my lonesome to the Bangor Mall. To be honest, I was not in that great a mood. In my opinion, shopping for a new bra is right up there with buying for a new bathing suit. Both score very low on the ol’ fun-o-meter! So, I’m on Stillwater Ave in the turning lane, within spitting distance of the mall. I mean, I can see it. And my car dies. Yup, it goes kaput, put …

I was talking to my sister, Irene, the other day. “What do you have planned for this weekend, ‘Reeney?” “Nothing!” she replies, a big smile on her face. “Jimbo’s off snowmobiling up to Presque Isle, so I have the whole weekend to myself.” “Oh, that sounds heavenly! What’re you gonna do?” “A whole bunch of nothing, Ida. Binge watch something on Netflix, maybe. Give myself a facial and mani-pedi, if I have the energy. Catch up on my People magazines.” “You’re killing me! And on the menu?” “Haute cuisine. Popcorn and Junior Mints. That’s as far as I got.” “That’s a good start. And let me just say for the record, I am totally jealous!” …

A kitchen faucet is something that you use a lot, right? So when it’s running slow, it can be a real pain in the patootie. There you are, wanting a cup of tea, and it takes forever get enough water in the teapot. I mean, you have time to take a nap. It may be irritating to me, but poor Charlie sees that slow running faucet as his own personal failure as a husband. He’ll take this annoyance for so long, then it reaches a tipping point, and off he goes to Petey’s Plumbing with problem piece. That’s the end of the faucet that you can screw off and it has a little screen thingy …