Here’s a story of misspent youth, courtesy of Charlie. Physics 101 We saw it all happen, my friend Bud and me From the booth where we sat at the ol’ Busy Bee Waiting we were, for the rest of the boys We heard, of a sudden, this terrible noise Almost as if we were hearing a fight This pickup pulled up to our one traffic light With rock music blarin’, speakers all blown And some jackass yellin’ he’s “bad to the bone” Bangin’ the beat on the side of his door Then hootin’ and hollerin’, yellin’ some more “Who is this clown?” says Bud with a frown The notorious Whitey Junior By that I mean …

So I go into Cumby’s to pick up a Cow Tail. (For those of you who’ve led a sheltered life, that’s a caramel candy.) It was a reward for .…..well, I can’t remember what right now, but I know I deserved it at the time. I just love them things! Anyhoo, behind the counter is this guy from away whose  name is Guy. That’s what it says on his name tag. I’ve seen him there before, but don’t know hardly nothing about him. See, his demeanor doesn’t exactly invite conversation. He must be about my age, I’m guessing: glasses, gray hair and mustache. Big chain around his neck that must have had a gold finish …

So I’m working at the A&P on Thursday, when I overhear a conversation between Amy Plourde and Stephanie Jackson that went something like this: “How’d your yard sale go last weekend?” Amy asks. “What a waste of time!” Stephanie replies. “First, we spend all day Friday getting ready. Then, we get up at the crack of dawn on Saturday and haul it out to the driveway, while people with big vans and pick-ups cruise back and forth like sharks, waiting for us to set up.” “Early birds!” “Yeah, a lot of ‘em dealers! When they finally park and get out of their trucks, (leaving them running, mind you), they strut around like crows, picking stuff …

Charlie’s ideal outdoor temperature is about 50 to 75 degrees. More than that, he starts to droop. In heatwave like we’ve been having, he’s like a plant I forgot to water. And frankly, he can get a little cranky. Here’s the cheery poem he wrote the other day. Enjoy! Lucky Me Turkey in the road Last night Swerved to miss him Didn’t quite Then this morning, Saddened me: I ripped right through My favorite T Bananas, we got Two around And both of them Are squishy brown I thought I fixed Our kitchen faucet It still leaks I should toss it Out of gas It’s always so With just one section Left to mow My …

Me and the Dairy Queen have a love/hate relationship. All summer long I love it, and the rest of the year I take its name. Let’s just say my skinny jeans and the Peanut Buster Parfait are like Patty Duke and her cousin. They’re never seen in the same room at the same time. In the spring when the DQ opens, I start off with the Peanut Buster Parfait right out of the gate because, you know, I missed that delightful mix of vanilla soft serve, hot fudge sauce, and peanuts. It’s a sweet and salty taste sensation, and I enjoy every bite. Then I scale it back. When Charlie and me ride over to …

“Charlie, what’s up with the beach towel in the bathroom?” “Geesh, the ones we’re using are the worse for wear, kind of thin and scratchy, so I thought I’d give that one a go instead.” “You’re right, Honey, we do have an Econo Lodge situation. I’ve been too busy to deal with it. But things have quieted down. I’ll get right on it. You know how much I love a shopping assignment.” “That I do, dear. Make sure they’re dark.” “Dark?” “You know, so they won’t show the dirt.” So, off I went to the big city, Bangor, solo. It’s not really the kind of shopping excursion you bring a friend on. Ended up getting …

We just had a heat wave in Mahoosuc Mills. High 90’s in June, for God sake! When I was young, I can’t remember the temperature getting hotter than low 80’s in the height of summer. Thank goodness the A&P is air conditioned! What a difference that makes. You can almost see it on people’s faces when they walk in. They perk up a little. “Hot enough for you?” they ask. Oh, if had a dollar for every time someone said that, I’d been wealthy woman. Now, you’d think being in that air-conditioning would improve everyone’s mood, but for some, it just gives them more energy to complain. See heat like that can make folks cranky. …

Last Tuesday, Archie Johnson come into the A&P, per usual. He’s what we affectionately refer to in Mahoosuc Mills as a “mangy, old fart.” Lives in a rundown trailer on the edge of town: tires piled in the yard, blue tarps, broken cars on cinder blocks, you name it. I know, sounds like a cliché. But cliché’s come from somewhere. Archie is living proof. Archie generally keeps himself to himself. “Lives off the land,” would be a nice way to put it. Comes into town once a week for “supplies.” Though his looks and odor can be a little off putting (Archie would never get a gold star for personal hygiene), he’s harmless enough. So …

We have a new red light district in Mahoosuc Mills. It’s called self-checkout, down to the A&P. If you’ve ever tried it, you know, it’s harder than it looks. We only have a couple of ’em, but some of the bigger stores down to Bangor have like ten self-checkouts and one of two cashiers on. Sure, if you’re a wiz-bang with tech or if you only have a few things to ring out, go for it. But for most people, it takes ’em two or three times longer than normal, and somebody’s usually gotta be there to help them. Like yesterday, I’m coming back from a break, and I spot ol’ Henry Doucette standing beside …

Went to a plant sale in front of town hall on Saturday. It was sponsored by the Mahoosuc Mills Garden Club. They’re the ones that keep our town looking spiffy all summer long, with flowers in big containers along Main Street. They always have some nice plants, and the money goes to a good cause, so it’s a win/win. The Garden Club members are big into gardening, as you can imagine. Some more than others. I’ll let Charlie tell you about it. Goin’ to the Plant Sale So, I’m at the local plant sale Holding something Ida’s found “Charlie, would you wait here While I have a look around?” What’s that buzzing I keep hearing …