I know I probably shouldn’t be complaining about this. I mean, just look at the temperatures in other parts of the country. Still, I can’t remember ever being this cranky hot. We’re in Maine for God sakes! It’s not supposed to be this hot for this long. We’re not equipped to handle it. It’s like when some place down south gets an inch of snow, and it puts a monkey wrench in everything. That’s what it feels like here in Mahoosuc Mills. Everybody’s discombobulated.
Charlie and me have air-conditioning in our bedroom, of course, but the rest of the house never really cools down. And humid! My makeup seems to slide around on my face. And my poor hair! Look, I need some height in my crown area in order to look cute, but most days by the time I get to work, I’m looking like a deflated soufflé.
So on Friday, I’m ringing out “Miss Contrary-about-everything” herself, Claudia Peavey, and of course she’s going on about the heat.
“It’s wretched out there, Ida!”
“You got to admit, though, it ain’t bad in here,” I says.
Thank goodness the A&P is air conditioned. What a difference it makes! You can almost see it on people’s faces when they walk in. They perk up. I know I do. All of a sudden, my brain starts working again (though my hair is still hopeless). That said, all this heat makes folks feel skanky, and that makes them cranky. So work has been wearing me out because let’s face it: it takes a lot of energy to be nice to people who aren’t being nice to you.
By the time I get home, I am niced out. I mean, I have nothing left. I try not to take it out on Charlie, but it’s hard. He’s such a handy target! Charlie gets home from the mill to find me collapsed on the bed, fully dressed, legs hanging off the end with the air conditioning cranking full blast.
I notice he’s stopped asking me, “What’s for supper?” Charlie knows the last thing I feel like doing in this heat is cooking. So now, he’s switched to “Any thoughts on supper?”
“Charlie,” I tell him, “how about we get something down to the Brew-ha-ha?”
So as I say, I’m ringing out Claudia Peavey who despite having spent a good half hour shopping in the air-conditioned splendor of the A&P, is still complaining about the heat. “Oh, it won’t last forever,” I says, “and it’s nice to have a break from it in here.”
To which she replies, “Yeah, but it just makes it feel hotter when you go back outside.”
“You know what, Claudia? You’re right!”
First, we didn’t have much of a winter. Then we had monsoon rains in the spring, followed by a mind numbing heat wave this summer. As if that weren’t strange enough, I found myself actually agreeing with Claudia Peavey! What’s next? Locusts?
That’s it for now. Catch you on the flip side!
Hear Ida Tell It: Cranky Hot