Parking meters used to be easy. You either had enough change, or you didn’t. If you didn’t, you just popped into a nearby store and got some.
Now, when me and the girls go to shopping downtown Bangor, we have to deal with those do-it-yourself kiosk-type thingies. If you’ve ever tried self-check out at the grocery store, you know it’s not as easy as it looks.
First you have to park, find the kiosk, traipse on over and work your way through this whole slew of steps to get a little slip of paper to put on your dashboard. Then, you have to try to remember where you left your car and leave the slip on the dash board, right side up. That last step sounds easy, but have you ever tried doing this when it’s windy out? Darn near impossible to shut the door without it blowing around the car, landing face down (if you can find it). Shirley solved this problem by keeping a roll of scotch tape in the glove compartment of her Bonneville. Clever, huh?
And doesn’t it seem like every one of them kiosks is a little different? Just when you think you have it down, you realize you don’t. That’s what happened to the Women Who Run With the Moose last weekend in Portland.
We park in the lot where we usually do, but hey, there’s no longer a booth with a guy in it taking your ticket. That personal touch is gone, and now we have to deal with the kiosks. There are two kiosks (count ‘em, two) in this big, honking parking lot. I mean, usually you stand at your car and can see two or three within easy reach. But no, just two with lines at both of them, as you can imagine. And it’s cold and windy out because it’s January in Maine!
Us girls are in this together, so we all trudge over and get in line. There’s an older guy at the kiosk (who am I kidding, he was probably our age). So this fella was having one hell of a time. He kept starting the process, then walking back to his car and back to the kiosk, then back to his car and back to the kiosk. At this point, the woman behind him tries to help him out. They’re putting in change, a dollar bill, a credit card. I mean, they did everything short of standing on their heads. After about couple more minutes with no success, the guy mutters, “To hell with it!” and storms off, defeated.
During this battle, I wander over to the other kiosk and it’s the same thing. I haven’t seen that many frustrated middle-aged folks since the last time I was at the Verizon store!
Back at our kiosk, the next person muscled her way through the process in a record five minutes and left with the little piece of paper clutched in her hand. Apparently, swearing helps.
As a group, us girls approach cautiously. We knew we were in trouble right off the bat because it starts off by asking for the license number of your car. Turns out Shirley knows it, so we’re good. You put that in, then it wants to know the number of the parking slot you’re in. What number? Now we know why the guy kept going back and forth, because we have to do the same thing.
“What’s next?” Betty says. “Date of your last period?”
Shirley is usually our driver and Dot’s the navigator, so Shirley’s at the control panel of the kiosk and Dot’s telling her what to do. The rest of us start doing a cheer, “Go, girls! Go, girls!” Dot’s doing pretty good directing Shirley, but right at the end, Shirley pushes one hour by mistake and before she can add on more hours, out pops the slip. That’s not enough time on the meter, so we have to start the fifteen step process all over again, this time hitting MAX.
Back to the car we go, getting our daily steps in. We tape the slip to the dashboard and decide we need some nourishment helps us recover from our trauma. Off we go to the nearest bakery. All told, that parking meter ordeal took way more time than it needed.
There’s moral to this story folks. Just know the next time you’re faced with one of them parking kiosks, you are not alone.
That’s it for now. Catch you on the flip side!
Hear Ida Tell It: Parking Meter Hell
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February 19: A Visit With Ida, The Park Danforth, 7:00pm, Portland, ME
March 29 & 30: Ida: Woman Who Runs With the Moose, The Footlights Theatre, 7:30, Falmouth, ME
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