The other day I says to Charlie, “We gotta put the grill in the shed for the winter.” Now, I have no intention of doing this myself. It’s the kind of chore Charlie usually does (after I remind him). We both know that by “we,” I mean “him.”
It’s the same “we” that comes into play when I say, “Boy, that recycling’s sure piling up. About time we made a trip down to the transfer station.” Or, “We oughta sure up that bottom step on the deck, don’t you think? Maybe put up a new railing?” It’s the royal “we.”
I got to thinking about it, asking myself if this is a two way street kind of thing. But when it comes to the chores I usually do, I can’t ever remember Charlie saying something like, “Gee, we need to freshen up the bathroom, and maybe give the house a good vacuuming this weekend.” Or, “We really should get some new curtains for the bedroom, maybe with a matching duvet and pillow shams.”
Charlie does tend to use “we” when it comes to food, however, as in “What are we cooking for supper?” Or, “What are we bringing to the potluck?” That doesn’t quite feel the same, does it? Usually when I’m using the royal “we,” it’s more of a statement, a nice way of asking Charlie to do something. “We” is usually followed by “need to” or “should” or “gotta.”
Oh! How ‘bout this? Charlie’s standing in front of the snacks cabinet, staring in and he goes, “We gotta pick up some more peanuts and Slim Jims.” Or, “We need a couple bags of Doritos and a package of Little Debbie Cakes.” Now we’re talking!
I don’t eat those things (for the most part), and Charlie doesn’t do the grocery shopping (unless you count picking up a quart of milk or a six pack of Bud on the way home), so by “we,” he definitely means “me,” not “him.” That makes me feel better.
Here’s another weird thing that I’ve become aware of lately, and proof that Charlie really and truly doesn’t listen to half of what I say. I go out into the yard where Charlie’s puttering around, right? And I says to him, “What are you doing?”
And he goes, “Good.”
Later that afternoon, I come in from grocery shopping, and Charlie’s kicking back in the den. Being the good wife that I am, I go in, give him a little kiss and say, “Hey there, Charlie. How you doing?”
“Watching the game.”
Sound familiar? Charlie knows I’ve asked him something, so he answers something back. Takes an educated guess on what I’ve actually asked. Probably better than just grunting at one another. Working down to the A&P, I hear older couples doing that: pointing at a stick of butter and grunting. Now that’s something to look forward to, huh?
Well, I’m gonna go see how “we” are progressing with the raking. Then “we” are gonna scoot down to the A&P to pick up a bag of fried pork rinds and some beef jerky for a certain someone’s hunting trip!
That’s it for now. Catch you on the flip side!
Hear Ida Tell It: The Royal “We” and Other Odd Behavior
Tickets On Sale Now!
December 20: A Very Ida Christmas!, The Music Hall Historic Theater, 2:00pm, Portsmouth, NH