I used to hate getting “Ma’am-ed.” You know what I’m talking about. “Are you ready to order, ma’am?” Sometimes, I’d even say, “Did you just ma’am me?” Being called ma’am is a sign of respect if you live down south. But up north, it just means you’re old.
But now, I seem to have progressed to a whole other level. Ma’am has become “dear, “hon” or “Miss.” That’s the one I hate the most. “Miss.” Like I’ve become so elderly, I’ve traveled past ma’am and am back where I started.
Charlie’s noticed it, too, but being called “hon” by the gals waiting on him seems to put a bounce in his step. I don’t have the heart to tell him it’s just because he’s old.
Here’s his latest.
“Hon”
Aren’t I the lucky one?
All the young gals call me “hon”!
I hear it lately, more and more
Like when I’m at the hardware store
Checking out, I admit
It kinda perks me up abit
To hear the gal say when I’m done,
“Find everything you needed, hon?”
I’ve never seen this gal before
In there, or any other store
And yet, she’s talking like we’re close
Like I’m the one she thinks of most
I’m old enough to be her dad!
Perhaps it’s just some kind of fad
She’s begun to call me “hon”
But hey, she’s not the only one
Running low, I stop for gas
Gal inside is full of sass
Razzin’ all the younger guys
(Not so much the old and wise)
I’ll grab a Moxie and Doritos
Better yet, this bag of Cheetos
“That be all you’re havin’, hon?”
“That plus forty on Pump One”
Perhaps they like the way I strut
The dashing figure that I cut
In overalls, work shirt to match
Perhaps they think I’d be a catch
They see me coming, then look twice,
And try to treat me extra nice?
I don’t know! Let it be
This “hon” thing is a mystery
‘Twas crappy out, could not be duller
Stopped for coffee and a cruller
It was good to leave the gloom,
Step inside that toasty room
And smell the doughnuts on the tray
Oh, if I could only stay!
She asked me, “Cream and sugar, hon?”
In that, I saw a bit of sun
That’s it for now. Catch you on the flip side!
Hear Ida Tell It: Because We’re Old
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