My sister, Irene, and me visit our dad down to Mahoosuc Green three to four times a week. Sometimes we go together, but most times we go separately. You know, so he gets more visits.
Mahoosuc Green is our senior living facility in town. Their tag line is, “Experience your finest senior moments with us.” That may have been true when Dad was in independent living. Not so much when it comes to assisted living and memory care. That’s no fault of Mahoosuc Green. It’s just how things are. As my friend Shirley says, “Getting old ain’t for sissies.”
See, Dad has dementia. Though he still recognizes us, thank God! There’s always this moment at the beginning of a visit. I’ll find him dead asleep, snoring away. I pull up a chair and take his hand in mine. Sometimes I pat his arm to wake him up. Then, it happens. He opens his eyes and sees that it’s me, or me and Irene, and he just beams, he’s so happy to see us.
Dad passes his days sleeping in his Barcalounger, eating pureed food in the dining room, or going to the main gathering area in his Broda chair (one of them big, fancy wheel chairs) and dozing through “exercise,” word games, or trivia. Boy, he hates trivia. “Makes me feel stupid,” he says.
“Dad, it’s because they’re asking about the wrong stuff. If they had questions like, how do you fix a snowmobile on the trail? Or, what’s the best fishing lure for trout, you’d dazzle ‘em with your know-how.” That usually gets a chuckle out of him.
Sometimes it’s challenging to fit in my Dad visits, what with work, getting food on the table, keeping the house clean, and stuff. It wears you down. But Irene and me are committed to see Dad as much as we can.
A couple of weeks ago, we got a notice they’d had an outbreak of Covid in the building and we shouldn’t visit for a while. They were isolating the residents in their rooms like they have in the past.
When I heard this news, to be honest, I was kind of relieved to get a little break. Then I felt guilty for feeling that way. Can you relate? That guilt ramped up a notch when I got the call last Monday that Dad had tested positive for Covid. He’d never had it before. He’s all vac’ed and boosted up the ying-yang, but Irene and me are still worried about him. Now that I know I can’t see him for another ten days, I miss him even more.
The last time I saw Dad was with Irene, and it was a really good visit. We always bring him three chocolate covered cherries that we pick up at Cumbies. Man, does he ever love them candies!
A typical visit with Dad is pretty repetitive, as you’d imagine. “You been busy? How’s Charlie doing? Have you seen anyone we know.” Rinse and repeat. Sometimes he’ll get on a topic and go ‘round and ‘round about it. This particular visit he was trying to decide whether or not he would stay at Mahoosuc Green or go live in a little hunting cabin in the woods, if you can believe it.
“Gee, Dad, what would you do up there by yourself?”
“I’d rock on the porch and smoke a cigar.”
“That sounds nice, but it would be hard to visit you as much as we do now if you lived in the woods.”
Dad would ponder this a minute and eventually make a decision. “I’m thinking I’ll stay here. Nice room, food’s okay, close to you girls. We need to let them know, sign the papers.”
“We will, Dad.” If you think this issue is now finally settled, you’d be wrong. A minute later, Dad would start up again.
At the end of the visit, Irene says to him, “You know, Dad, you’ve always been a smart guy with good commonsense. Ida and me think you’ve made the right decision staying close.”
And then Dad says, “Well, I’m glad I can participate in a positive way.” Irene and me looked at each other, startled. I mean, he didn’t stumble at all and that thought was complete and kind of sophisticated. Why even Dad seemed surprised that remark came out of his mouth. He goes, “I got my English out!” And the old guy smiled and waved us on our way.
That’s it for now. Catch you on the flip side!
Hear Ida Tell It: Participating in a Positive Way