“Charlie, a hoodie’s like cargo pants, only for your top half.”
By the look on Charlie’s face I realized I’d said that out loud. To be fair, it was the day after my Covid booster, and I was feeling a little under the weather. My true feelings just come out. I hate Charlie’s hoodie! It’s okay working around the yard or going to the transfer station or Agway. Fine. But not when we go out to breakfast or a bean supper.
I’d tried being subtle, but Charlie wasn’t picking up on my hints. We’ll be going down to the Brew Ha Ha for a bite to eat, and I go, “How about putting on that nice polar fleece vest I give you for your birthday? It looks so good on you.”
“Too much bother. I’m good to go.”
I was done taking no for an answer. So with Thanksgiving behind us, I’m on to Christmas. I had a couple of catalogues with hoodie alternatives and was showing them to Charlie. “How about this one?”
“You mean the one that buttons up the front. I’d look like my Pépé.”
“Well, honey, you’re older now than he was when he died.”
“Very funny.”
“Look, Charlie, I’m officially demoting your hoodie. I love you, but not that thing.”
“I didn’t know you hated it so much. I think it’s great. It’s comfortable, has pockets.”
“I appreciate that, but it’s also shapeless and stained.”
“Yeah, I guess.”
“How about this pullover?”
“That’s not too bad. It kinda looks like a sweatshirt, only nicer.”
“Great. I’ll tell Santa. Now you’ll have a dress sweatshirt to go with your dress jeans.”
After our conversation, Charlie come up with this tribute.
My Old Hoodie
I admit, it’s kind of plain
A little stained where it says “Maine”
Zipper still works pretty good
It’s great for things like stacking wood
Or kicking back to watch the game
My other shirts just aren’t the same
Now if you got one, you’ll agree:
They’re versatile as they can be
Great for working on your feet
Or when we’re sitting down to eat
Like an oldie, but a goodie
It’s a keeper, my old hoodie
My wife, she more than underrates it
Come to learn, she really hates it
Me, I wear it every day
And now she has the nerve to say,
“It fits you bad, looks like hell
And there’s no washing out that smell
Of gasoline, wood smoke, oh
And years and years of your b.o.
Nix it from your wardrobe, hon,
And buy yourself another one.”
About it, then, I shouldn’t brag?
“All it’s good for is a rag”
Ouch! The truth is finally out
She’s held it back for years, no doubt
The only other thing she said?
“The dog can use it in the shed”
OK, I get it, loud and clear:
Hoodie, you’re not welcome, here
You may have been demoted, but
I’m not about to give you up
Verdict’s in, don’t take it hard
I’ll still wear you ’round the yard
You’re an oldie, but a goodie
And a keeper, my old hoodie
That’s if for now. Catch you on the flip side!