Caitlin got back from a yoga retreat this week, and like the good niece she is, she brought a little present.
“Aunt Ida,” she says. “I saw this in the gift shop at the retreat center, and I thought of you. Couldn’t resist.” What a sweetie!
It wasn’t a crystal guaranteed to balance my chakras or a singing bowl or bookmark with words of wisdom that guy Rumi (is it just me, but I never seem to get what he’s driving at). No, Caitlin brought me a candy bar, one of those extra-large ones with a pretty picture on the wrapper. But this wasn’t just any candy bar. No siree Bob. It was (wait for it) a Milk Chocolate Bacon Bar. That’s right, chocolate and bacon, two of my all-time favorite foods, together in one candy bar. Pure inspiration! We’re talking applewood smoked bacon and alderwood smoked salt mixed into chocolate. Sounds almost obscene, doesn’t it?
Luckily, Caitlin is a vegetarian, so I didn’t have to share. I ate a piece while she was there, you know, to be polite. OMG! Then, I waited for her to leave, and I handily scoffed down my Chocolate Bacon bar, savoring each sweet, salty bite. (It was hard, but I did save a little square of it for Charlie.)
Then I went on their website and ordered a couple more. While I was there, I order the She-Love Collection to share with the girls. They must have been joking when they warned “Consume within six months.” More like, “Inhale immediately!” And yes, I just happened to see they also had Bacon, Carmel Toffee and a Bacon Chocolate Chip Pancake Mix. Who could resist? I’m not going to tell you how much I spent. Brought me right back to my home shopping networkaholic days!
Then, I got sort of possessed, like can happen on the internet. I started looking around for other bacon stuff. I shouldn’t have done that. I mean, apple maple bacon jam. Yikes! And get this, mailing envelopes, that when you lick them, taste like bacon! Not real bacon, of course. Only bacon flavored. I ordered the envelopes for our Yankee Swap in December (It’s never too early to start thinking about Christmas.) and a couple of jars of Vegan Baconnaise, just to try it: one for me and one for Caitlin. Even though she’s been a vegetarian for years now, she’s confessed to me more than once how she misses the taste of bacon.
“Caitlin,” I says, “there ain’t nothing you can do about it. We’re Franco-American. Pork is the food of our people!” We have pork pies at Christmas, roast pork for Sunday dinner, pork chops for supper, pork spread on toast for breakfast, sausage and bacon for any meal of the day. We’re not fussy! You grow up eating pork, and pork feels like home.”
Everything I ordered was tasty, but I have to confess, that Chocolate Bacon Bar was in a class all its own. That thing was so good, afterwards I needed a cigarette, and I don’t even smoke!
That’s it for now. Catch you on the flip side!
Hear Ida Tell It: The Food of Our People