Crockpots, or slow cooker as they’re calling ‘em nowadays, are real popular in our neck of the woods as you can imagine, especially during the winter months. So I wasn’t surprised this week when I picked up my sister Irene to go to our book group, and she came out carrying her own crockpot. I popped the trunk and she put hers beside mine.
“What’d you make?” she asks.
“Chili with ground turkey. Trying keep it light where I can, so I can have dessert. How ‘bout you?”
“Baked beans with miniature hot dogs.”
“Always a crowd pleaser.”
So off we go to Donna Gerard’s, across town. The thing is, having a slow cooker in the car (make that two slow cookers) means you have to be a careful driver, going slow around corners, avoiding potholes and such. I look in the mirror, and someone’s on my tail, of course.
“Reeny,” I says, “you know what I need? A bumper sticker that reads ‘Crockpot on board.’”
“Good idea,” she replies. Then, after thinking it over, “Problem is, if you looked quick, you might think it said ‘Crackpot on board!’”
“Wouldn’t be far from the mark.” With that we go into hysterics, right?
Well, we arrive at Donna’s without incident, and park on the street, so we don’t get blocked in. The Gerard’s have a fairly long driveway. So we get our crockpots out of the trunk and lug ‘em up to the house. Easier said than done, because I’ll tell you what, a full crockpot is pretty darn heavy.
Irene goes, “This is our upper body workout for the day.”
“More like for the week,” I says.
“Don’t make me laugh. I’ll spill.”
So we walk into the house, and swear to God, it’s a crockpot convention! I mean, it looked like the appliance department at Sears. We squeeze our crockpots onto what’s left of the counter, and are just wondering where we’re going to plug ‘em in when Donna comes around the corner with one of them mega-power strips and an industrial strength extension cord.
“Gees, Louise,” I says, “I hope we don’t blow a fuse!”
Well, of course, no one had read this month’s book, but we talked about why we didn’t and discussed which book we’re going to buy and not read next month. Happily, the crockpots were lighter leaving than coming in. Though I can’t say the same for Irene and me.
One the way home, I says to Irene, “Did you have a good time tonight?”
“Sure. Didn’t I look like I was having fun?”
“Well, I noticed you kept drifting off into the corner every now and then.”
“Oh, Ida, you caught me. I was just so hungry late afternoon, I needed a snack. So, I made the mistake of eating one of them Fiber One bars.”
“You didn’t!”
“I did. The brownie flavor. And it tasted so good. Then, among other things, I had my beans and your chili and some the Fran’s seven layer dip with the refried beans.”
“Oh, mister man, we’re talking trouble with a capital ‘T.’”
“Ida, no sooner did we get talking about the book then my stomach started blowing up. No exaggerating, I felt like a Macy’s Thanksgiving Day balloon. That’s what you saw, me sneaking off, hoping no one would come near me, so I could let out a little air.”
“Crack the window a tad, will you, dear. Listen I’ve made the same mistake with that Fiber One. They’re a prescription for disaster.”
“Tell me about it!” Irene chuckles.
“On second thought, Reeny, why don’t you roll that window all the way down.”
That’s it for now. Catch you on the flip side!
Hear Ida Tell It: Crockpot Convention
Upcoming Shows
February 7: Down to the A&P, Franklin Opera House, 7:00pm, Franklin, NH, snow date February 21
February 14 & 15: Love Lessons, The Footlights Theatre, 2:00pm, Falmouth, ME
March 28: Once We Were Four, New Hampshire Theatre Project, 4:00pm, Portsmouth, NH
April 26: Down to the A&P, The Dance Hall, 2:00pm, Kittery, ME