It’s finally spring here in Mahoosuc Mills, and you know what that means? Spring cleaning, of course. I’m not saying I go hog wild like my mother and grandmother, taking apart each room of the house, but it’s good to do a deep cleaning every now and then.
In preparation for this ritual, I bought a new vacuum cleaner head. The old one had seen better days. Finally, the lever that switches back and forth from “carpet” to “floor” broke, and it was permanently stuck on “carpet.” Hard to get good suction going on a wood floor, I’ll tell ya. It’s sad how excited I was about getting my new vacuum cleaner head, but hey, I’m a Franco-American woman of a certain age, and I love a clean house.
When I got the new head home, I couldn’t wait to give it a test drive. I needed to do a little spiffing up of the place anyways, so I fired up my vacuum. Wow, what great suction! Scamp seemed a little concerned and hid in his crate, but I loved it! Zoom, zoom, zoom!
I believe in investing in a good vacuum cleaner. I mean, with some of those cheap ones, you could suck up more with your nose than with the hose.
If your husband is anything like Charlie, most likely he has a big, honkin’ lawn mower and snow blower, too, for that matter. Why? Because if you have good equipment, it does a better job in less time. A vacuum is something you use all year ‘round, so I say invest in a good one. I’ve had mine for ages. Every once in awhile, I bring it in for an overhaul, you know, tune it up. I take care of it, and it takes care of me. Most of the time.
Now as fond as I am of my vacuum, I have a love-hate relationship with vacuuming. I like how my house looks
when it’s done, but doing it can sometimes try my patience. That’s because of something I call “Ida’s Law of Vacuuming.”
You’ve heard of Murphy’s Law, right? “Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong.” Well, Ida’s Law of Vacuuming is similar. “Anything your vacuum cleaner can catch on, it will catch on.” It’s so irritating! You just need to reach a little further into that corner of the bathroom, a couple of inches is all, and you can’t. Why? Your vacuum cleanser is caught on the edge of the door jam or the rug or something, it’s stuck and is stubbornly digging in its heels.
Or like me on Saturday, I just wanted to do a quick spiff-up of the house, right? Everything’s going great until I get to the bedroom, the last room I have to do. The vac is still plugged into the bathroom outlet. I’m going fast and okay, I forget to unplug and replug in the bedroom. The vacuum reaches the end of it’s chord, and I tug, thinking it’s just caught on the door jam. Nope! The cord, yanked from the outlet, comes whipping back into the vac. Bugger!
I pull the cord back out, plug it into the bedroom outlet and I step a little too hard, I have to admit, on the off/on switch. The vacuum comes to life with a scream of protest and promptly sputters to a stop. My vacuum was kaput. Let’s all take a moment to ponder the significance of this situation: a Franco-American woman without a working vacuum! Mon Dieu! And I was almost done.
Needless to say, spring cleaning is on hold while my vacuum is in the hospital. I’m waiting on a phone call to see if my man Stan can resuscitate the poor thing. I’m hopeful. Me and my vacuum have been through a lot together. She wouldn’t desert me, right? Because if that vacuum cleaner truly is dead, well wouldn’t that just suck?
That’s it for now. Catch you on the flip side!
Hear Ida Tell It: Ida’s Law of Vacuuming
Upcoming Shows and Book Events: Spring/Summer
May 27: Ida’s Havin’ a Yard Sale!, The Castle on Charles, http://www.castlenh.com/ 8:00pm, Rochester, NH
June 2 & 3: Ida: Woman Who Runs With the Moose, The Footlights Theatre, http://www.thefootlightsinfalmouth.com/ 7:30pm, Falmouth, ME
June 9: Book Reading: The Sweet Life, Boothbay Harbor Memorial Library Literary Luncheon, https://bbhlibrary.org/ 11:30am, Boothbay Harbor, ME
July 8: Books in Boothbay: Maine’s Summer Book Fair, Boothbay Railway Village, 9:00am to 1:00pm, Boothbay, ME
July 18: Book Reading: The Sweet Life, Rangeley Public Library, http://rangeleylibrary.org/ 6:00pm, Rangeley, ME
August 5: Ida’s Havin’ a Yard Sale!, Deertrees Theatre, http://www.deertrees-theatre.org/ 7:30pm, Harrison, ME