So, I’m working at the A&P when who do I see get in my register line? Debbie Hunter. My heart sinks. See, it takes forever to cash Debbie out because she always has a ton of coupons. She’s organized about it, though, I’ll give her that. She has a file folder and everything. Even so, the higher math is above my pay grade. Me and my register can’t always keep up. And if, God forbid, the coupon doesn’t scan the way she wants or she didn’t read the fine print, then I have to get our manager, Chip, to come over and void it out. That backs up the line, and a cloud of crankiness descends upon whoever else is waiting. Not pretty.
But listen, I’ve worked at the A&P since Moby Dick was a minnow. I know my way ‘round coupons. Since the economy went south, I’ve seen more and more people using ‘em. Makes sense. Why not save money where you can, right?
Heck, growing up, I still remember my mother filling up her books with them S&H Green Stamps. Remember those? Seems like it took a million of ‘em to get a toaster, but she stuck with it.
But this “Extreme Couponing” thing is something else all together. Have you seen that show on TLC? Oh, Mister Man, is it ever fascinating, in a watching-a-train-wreck sort of way. (Kind of like “Toddlers in Tiaras,” now that I think of it!)
OK, for all you who haven’t seen it, this isn’t exactly Masterpiece Theater. The show features folks that are so into couponing, that’s about all they do. They’ve got whole rooms in their homes filled with stuff they’ve picked up for next to nothing. I mean, shelves upon shelves of shampoo, dishwashing liquid, boxes of macaroni and cheese, cereal, baby wipes, you name it. It’s like they got their very own grocery store.
These people haul around ring binders three inches thick, just plumb-chucka-full of coupons. Really! They buy five or six newspapers a day, then literally spend hours and hours cutting and sorting. For them, a typical shopping trip involves a half day of planning, minimum. Some even suffer from couponing-induced insomnia. I mean, they lie awake at night either thinking about how much they’re going to save, or worrying about missing a sale. Some (this is the God’s honest truth) even go dumpster diving for coupons. We’re not talking homeless people, you understand. These are regular folks like you and me, diving into a dumpster to save a couple of bucks on Hawaiian Punch!
And yes, I know they’re getting a good deal on whatever they’re buying, but what exactly do you do with nine dozen eggs? Or three bunches of bananas? I mean, come on, folks! They’re going to spoil! Oh, I guess you could make banana bread for the Band Booster Bake Sale. After all, you got all those eggs. A ton of work, though.
I watch these people and wonder, if you factor in your time, how much money are you really saving? Or, if your goal is to save money, why don’t you stop buying stuff and use what you have stockpiled in your garage? Or give some of it to a homeless shelter, or soup kitchen, or something. Heck, maybe they’re stockpiling for the Apocalypse, I don’t know.
Call me crazy, but isn’t it only a hop, skip and jump from “Extreme Couponing” to “Hoarders” (That’s another TV show you can probably miss)!
Anyhoo, it’s Debbie’s turn at my register.
“Hey, Debbie! How you doing?”
“Okay,” she says.
But Debbie didn’t seem that way. She looked kind of anxious, beads of sweat on her upper lip. But, I just thought she was just havin’ a hot flash. So, I finish scanning everything, and look at Debbie expectantly. She looks at me, deer in the headlights. Then I notice Debbie doesn’t have her file folder.
“Do you have any coupons, Debbie?”
She takes a couple deep breaths. “No, Ida, I don’t have any coupons.” Debbie tears up, but manages to hold it together.
“Everything alright, Debbie?”
“Sam did a coupon intervention.”
“He did?”
“Yup. Said he couldn’t take it any more. He wanted his house and wife back. And I don’t blame him. We can’t park in the garage anymore, there are so many ‘supplies’ in it. The spare bedroom looks like a storeroom. Plus, I didn’t want to go nowhere or do anything because I always had to keep up with the coupons. It was wearing me down.”
“Geez,” I says. “What a loving thing for Sam to do. Takes a brave man to stand between a woman and her coupons, even if it is for the greater good.”
“I know. Still, it’s tough. It’s the middle of winter, and I don’t know what to do with myself.”
Gail Perkins, next in line, pipes up. “Gotta keep those hands busy. You need a hobby. Hey, they’re offering a knitting class down to the library. That might do the trick. Trudy Lovejoy is teachin’ it.”
“That’s right,” I says. “She was in just the other day, puttin’ up flyers.”
Debbie muses, “Gee, I’ve always wanted to take up knitting. And you know, I have a bunch of yarn in the craft section of the garage. Got down to Michaels last spring. They had a double coupon deal goin’ and I couldn’t resist.”
“It’s like it was meant to be.”
There seemed to be a bounce in Debbie’s step as she left the A&P. Gail’s right. This time of year, it helps to keep your hands busy. Cuts down on the calories (if you’re like me) and the clutter. Let’s just hope Debbie doesn’t end up in Knitters Anonymous.
That’s it for now. Catch you on the flip side!
Hear Ida Tell It: Coupon Intervention
Coming up this Winter/Spring:
March 5: Keynote speech with Pat Spalding, Seacoast Women’s Week, 9:00 a.m., Portsmouth, NH
March 21: A Visit With Ida, 1:00 p.m., Westbrook Seniors, Westbrook, ME
April 12: “Finding Your Inner Moose” book reading, Windham Public Library, 6:00 p.m., Windham, ME