Boy, I’ll tell ya, things are always changin’ down to the transfer station! So much so, it’s hard to keep it all straight, one week to another. They take #1 and #2 plastic, but #5? One week yes, the next week no. Keep the plastic caps on the bottles? No, now you’re supposed to take ‘em off and put ‘em over there. I secretly wonder if, late at night, they don’t have a good laugh at our expense, as they mix all the recycling together and toss it into the compactor. Pretty cynical, I know, but the thought has crossed my mind.
Oh, it’s just too much rigmarole for me. But Charlie, thank God, he loves the Transfer Station. It’s more of social outin’ for him, runnin’ into folks and chattin’. Then there’s the treasures he sometimes finds at the Swap Shop, providin’, of course, he can get there before Whitey. For years, Whitey Hebert’s been pretty much camped out down there, waitin’ to score stuff to bring home and sell in his perpetual yard sale. Heck, it beats gettin’ a job. But I guess that all came to an end recently. Here, I’ll let Charlie tell you about it.
Bad Day For Whitey, by Charlie LeClair
Whitey was used to havin’ his way
Down to the Transfer Station
Stuffin’ his truck with Swap Shop goodies
(That’s no big revelation)
Then he’d bring ‘em home and try to sell ‘em
There’s where you’ll find him lurkin’
When he isn’t lyin’ in his hammock, takin’ a snooze
You gotta admit, it beats workin’!
But I guess Whitey got popped
By the Swap Shop Cop
Now Bobby’s worked for that Transfer Station
Since when it was still “the dump”
But management never knew quite where to put him
He’s serious, kind of a grump
Nobody was ever in charge of the Shop
It was always just a free-for-all
‘Til people like Whitey started takin’ advantage
Then they gave Bobby the call
I hear Whitey got popped
By the Swap Shop Cop
Saturday morning, business as usual
Whitey drove up to the door
Returnin’ all the crap he couldn’t sell
An’ pilin’ it up on the floor
“Wait a minute, Whitey!” yelled Bob, runnin’ over
“Only two items per car!’
Whitey got pissed, started chuckin’ stuff at Bobby
From the Swap Shop now he’s barred
That’s how Whitey got popped
By the Swap Shop Cop
Now, for all of the treasures dropped off at the Shop
From bowling balls to baby cribs
Ever since he gave ol’ Whitey the boot
Bobby has got first dibs, that’s right
Bobby has got first dibs
That’s it for now. Catch you on the flip side!
Hear Ida Tell It: Bad Day for Whitey
Coming up this fall:
September 14: Ida’s Book Club, featuring authors Patricia Lynch and Jacquelyn Benson, time TBA, WEST, Portsmouth, NH
October 3: Finding Your Inner Moose Book Reading, 1:00pm, Soldiers Memorial Library, Hiram, ME
October 10 & 11: The View From He’ah Variety Show, ACT ONE’s Beyond Festival, Saturday at 8:00pm and Sunday at 2:00pm, WEST, Portsmouth, NH
October 19: The Moose in Me, The Moose in You, 7:00, to benefit the Friends of the Bridgeton Public Library, Magic Lantern, Bridgeton, ME
October 22: Finding Your Inner Moose Book Reading, 6:00pm, sponsored by Simpson Memorial Library, Golden Harvest Grange, Carmel, ME
November 7, 14 & 21: I Married an Alien, 7:30pm, Camp Calumet Women’s Retreat Weekend, West Ossipee, NH