Charlie and me were out walkin’ Scamp ‘round the neighborhood this weekend when we see Pearl Plaisted puttering around in her yard, dead headin’ her potted plants. So, we stop and chat, like you do.
“Hey there, Pearl,” I says. “How you doin’?”.
“Pretty good for someone married to a mowin’ fool.”
Charlie chimes in, “Hank get himself a new toy?”
“Yup, a zero turn mower. Hear it?” All of us listen a minute to the sound of Hank, tearin’ around the backyard on his new machine.
Charlie goes, “I thought he had a zero turn.”
“He did, but we were over to Home Depot pickin’ up some gardenin’ supplies, and next thing I know, he’s bought himself the latest model. ‘Faster,” he says. ‘Birthday present.’ Now he’s like a teenager, cruisin’ for trouble in his new hot-rod. And boy, does he ever find it. Got the thing stuck in the back forty the other day. Our grandson, Dennis, had to come haul it out. I told Hank it was too wet back there, but did he listen?”
“Pearl,” I agree, “they hear what they want to hear, don’t they?”
Just then, Hank, eighty-three goin’ on sixteen, zooms by on this spiffy red machine. Usually he’s one of those guys in a truck who nods his head a tad (you have to watch for it), and lifts a couple of fingers off the wheel in a kind of half wave. But now he whizzes by, goin’ way too fast for pleasantries. In fact, we all take a couple of steps into the street, just to be safe, Scamp barkin’.
“Jesum Crow!” Pearl yells. “Careful where you’re goin’!”
“Nice lookin’ machine, though” Charlie says, as we watch Hank disappear ‘round the side of the house, almost takin’ the corner on two wheels.
“Better be,” Pearl replies. “I call it ‘The Vacation,’ ‘cause that’s what we bought instead of takin’ one. Doesn’t even fit in the shed.”
“But Pearl,” Charlie adds, “a vacation comes and goes. A machine like that is the gift that keeps on giving.”
“Don’t you get any ideas, mister!” I say, as we continue on our way. A half a block later, I hear Charlie chucklin’ to himself, shakin’ his head. “What?”
“Brand new mower, and he’s already got it stuck in the mud! I might have to do something with that!”
A few days later, here’s the ode Charlie come up with. (Hint: the rhymin’ works best if you say with a Maine accent!)
Plaisted, He’s Got Him a Zero-Turn Mower
Look at him riding around on that thing
The ground is still wet, it’s not even spring!
He doesn’t care, his foot’s to the floor
Plaisted, he’s got him a zero-turn mower
Fast as all get-out, it turns on a dime
He says it’ll save him oodles of time
Bought the thing right off the Home Depot floor
Plaisted, he’s got him a zero-turn mower
You’d think it was Nascar, the way that he’s ridin’
This can’t be work, all the fun its providin’!
Is he ever happy, sitting down lower
Plaisted, he’s got him a zero-turn mower
Pearl tried to get him to take a vacation
“Let’s drive down to Portland for some stimulation
Visit the shops, kind of explore!”
Instead, he got him a zero-turn mower
He thought he had room, did not know how much
With all his equipment, his tractors and such
It fits in his shed, but he could not shut the door
Plaisted, he’s got him a zero-turn mower
Pearl tried to warn him, “Don’t go out yet!”
But he wouldn’t listen, the fields are all wet
It’s stuck in the mud, now he’ll have to tow ‘er
Plaisted, he’s got him a zero-turn mower
The poet laureate of Mahoosuc Mills strikes again!
That’s it for now. Catch you on the flip side!
Hear Ida Tell It: Zero Turn Mower
Coming Up This Summer
June 10: The Moose in Me, The Moose in You, Thomas Memorial Library, 6:30pm, Cape Elizabeth, ME. For more information, contact 207-799-1720.
July 16: The Best of Ida, Deertrees Theatre, 7:30pm, Harrison, ME. Contact 207-583-6747.
August 13 & 14: The View From He’ah: On Stage, ACT ONE Summer Festival, Thursday at 2:00pm and Friday at 2:00pm & 8:00pm, Portsmouth, NH. Contact 603-300-2986
August 15: Finding Your Inner Moose Book Reading, Newport Cultural Center, 11:00am, Newport, ME. Contact 207-368-5074