Over the weekend, Charlie and me went to a party at Bud and Babe Delahunt’s. They’re the ones that run the Busy Bee. You know, the bakery here in town? Well, since everybody knows them, it was a biggie. I saw folks I hadn’t seen in years. Plus, the food! Absolutely to die for!
The next morning at breakfast, though, Charlie seemed a little distracted. “What’s the matter, dear?”
“Oh, nothin’. I was just thinking about that party last night.”
“Fun, wasn’t it? How about that chocolate cake with the peanut butter frosting?”
“Good thing you saved me a piece.” Charlie just sat there, hands wrapped around his mug of coffee.
“What’s up?”
“Got cornered again.”
“By Modge Podge? I saw.” Margerie Partridge is notorious around here for talking her head off at anyone unlucky enough to get cornered. We call her Modge Podge because she owns Krafty Crafts and it’s sister store, Bee Scrappy. You think the Women Who Run With the Moose are big into crafts. Well, we don’t hold a candle to Modge Podge.
“Man, that gal can talk! She’s like a Gatling gun!”
“I know. She must do that circular breathing thing. You know, like that trumpet player we saw on TV?”
“Why do these gals always hone in on me, Ida? If it’s not her, it’s Violet Wilson. Do I have a sign on my forehead, or something.”
“Well, Charlie, you are a good listener. And real polite. Plus, you’re a lot nicer than her husband.”
“Fred? He’s done listening to her, that’s for sure. The minute they get to the party, he dumps her and beelines it for the bar.”
“She was like that in school, too. Remember? You could never get a word in edgewise.”
“How do you break away from someone like that? There’s lots of people I want to talk to, but there I am, trapped with Modge Podge.”
“I tried to rescue you, Charlie.”
“I know, I saw you. Thanks for trying, but it’s hard to stop a steam roller.”
“I gave it my best shot, but she’s tough. Doesn’t leave much of an opening.”
“Tell me about it!”
“Finally, I come up with that story about Bud needing to talk to you about some volunteer fireman stuff.”
“That was good! That worked. How come you don’t get caught like that?”
“Sometimes I do. Let’s see. What do I do when that happens? Well, it helps to position yourself so you can see the rest of the room. You know, so you can catch someone out of the corner of your eye and wave to them. Maybe say, ‘Oh, there’s Roger! I need to ask him what the new hours are down to the transfer station. It’s been nice chatting with you, Margerie.” Then you hightail it outta there.”
“Seems kinda rude.”
“Trust me, Charlie. Modge Podge is so into her own little world, she’s not gonna notice. Folks like her never do. The important thing is, once you start your exit strategy, go for it. Don’t give her an opening. In fact, it helps to start moving before you finish talking.”
“OK, but what if she finds me again?”
“Well, you have to make sure you’re never alone. You need backup. Even when you’re getting your food, chat up the person next to you.”
“Can’t you just rescue me? That worked pretty good.”
“I’ll try, but we need a signal.”
“What, like me putting an imaginary gun to my head and pulling the trigger?”
“Subtle.”
“OK, how about pretending there’s a rope around my neck and I’m hanging there, eye’s bulging, tongue sticking out?”
“Great idea. Modge Podge probably won’t notice that. How about tugging your ear, you know, like Carol Burnett used to do?”
“It’s a plan.”
“Or, if worse come to worst, you can just keel over.”
“What, on the floor?”
“Yeah, that should shut her up, but you never know.”
That’s it for now. Catch you on the flip side!
IDA’S PODCAST: Trapped
Coming Up This Fall
September 18: Book Reading, Franco-Amercian Centre, 6:00 p.m., Orono, ME
September 19: Book Reading, Old Town Library, Tuesday Forum Luncheon: 11 a.m.- 1 p.m., FREE catered light lunch is served from 11 a.m.- 12 p.m. with presentation from 12-1 p.m., call to reserve, Old Town, ME
September 19: Book Reading, Dirigo Pines Retirement Community, 7:15 p.m., Orono, ME
September 29 & 30: Makin’ Whoopie!, The Footlights Theatre, Friday and Saturday at 7:30 p.m., Falmouth, ME
October 17: Book Reading, Alfred F. Totman Public Library, 6:30 p.m., Phippsburg, ME
November 4, 11, 18: Makin’ Whoopie!, Calumet Women’s Weekends, 7:30 p.m., West Ossippee, NH
Check out my full schedule here.