“How’d you sleep?” Charlie asked me, as he does most mornings. This was a few weeks ago.
“Oh, you know, got up every few hours to pee. The usual. ‘Til about 4:00. That’s when I made the mistake of thinking.”
“Well, sweetheart, you have a lot on your mind.”
“I don’t have a sleeping problem. I got a thinking problem.”
“I hear you. Once we have a game plan, we’ll feel better.”
“I think you’re right. It’s the not knowing that’s driving me nuts.”
See, at the beginning of December, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I know! What a delightful holiday surprise, huh? Not only was I surprised, so was every doctor I dealt with.
One morning in October, I was lying in bed, planning my day, when I felt this lump in my breast, right below my nipple. I’m thinking, Where the heck did that come from? So I got on the horn and called my gynecologist, Linda. Didn’t tell Charlie, because I didn’t want him worrying before I knew what was what.
Anyhoo, Linda takes a look and says, “Doesn’t look like anything to be concerned about. Maybe an inflamed gland.” But she sent me to the Breast Care Center anyway, just to be sure.
Off I go the next day for a mammogram and ultrasound. Again, the doctor said, “It doesn’t look like anything. In fact, it’s in the skin layer above the breast and not in the breast tissue, so you don’t need to be worried about breast cancer. I’m not an expert in this area, as it’s not in the breast per say, so how about I send you to a surgeon who can discuss options with you?”
A week later, I meet with the surgeon, this young, energetic gal, Peggi, with a great laugh. Again, she said it didn’t look like anything to be concerned about. “We can wait and keep an eye on it or take it out. Whatever you’d like to do, Ida.”
“Take it out,” I told her. “Now. I’m sick of thinking about it.”
But she couldn’t. I needed to go to the hospital and have it removed under conscious sedation. That seemed like a bigger deal than I was ready for. The local anesthesia option sounded better to me. So I had them do that the next week. All I’ll say about that experience is never, ever do anything that has to do with your nipple under local anesthesia, okay? Never! It’s about as much fun as a root canal. The kind of thing where you jump every once and awhile and they have to give you another shot. Them’s good times.
Even after she removed the little lump, Peggi says, “Doesn’t look like cancer to me, but we’ll send it to the lab to make sure.”
A week later, I get this call from Peggi’s office asking me to come in and meet with the doctor that day. Not good, I’m thinking. I was at work and couldn’t leave, so I asked, “Can’t she just tell me over the phone?”
“Let me check,” the gal says. Then, “No, she wants to see you.” So I scheduled an appointment for the next day. Not ideal, but the best I could do.
I was a little shaken up, but hung in there at work. On the way home, though, the surgeon calls me. I pull over to the side of the road. “Ida,” Peggi say in her super perky voice, “Well, it turns out you have stage one invasive breast cancer. I know you don’t want to dawdle, so I have you scheduled for surgery a week from tomorrow.” Yikes!
When I got home, I had to tell Charlie. That was the hardest and best part of my day. Hard because I didn’t want to bring cancer into our home. Best because I feel so incredibly lucky to have someone to share this with. It would be so hard to go through this alone.
Charlie’s such a steady, calm guy. “Don’t worry,” he says, “we’ll get through this together. We’ll do what we have to do, one step at a time.”
So long story short, a week later, I had a partial mastectomy. (Just like that, I went from sportin’ a couple of small mountains to one that looks more like a mesa) And five lymph nodes removed. All the nodes all were clear, thank God. But it wasn’t until two weeks later, on the Thursday before Christmas, that chemo was ruled out. I no longer had to lie awake thinking about it. All I got to do is radiation. Best Christmas present ever!
Don’t worry, I’m not going to turn this into a cancer blog. Sure, I’ll write about it from time to time. But I’m sharing this story because (and I can’t stress this enough.) if something’s off with your body, get up off your duff and do something about it. Follow it through until they know for sure what’s going on. I’m not a “wait and see” kind of person, and I encourage you not to be one either.
At anytime during this process, I could have stopped. After all, everyone was telling me it didn’t look like anything. I could have waited for my wellness mammogram in January. But when I asked the radiologist later, she said it wouldn’t have been found on a mammogram. In fact, when she looked at the ultra sound again after the diagnosis, it still didn’t look like cancer to her.
Charlie was right. Now that we have a game plan, I sleep better. I just feel so grateful, that I found the lump and followed through, for Charlie, for Scamp, my sister, my dad, and all the wonderful friends in my life. Like you! And for breast cancer because let’s face it: there are so many worse things I could have been diagnosed with.
Come January, I usually pick a theme for the new year. My 2018 theme was kind of picked for me, but I’m all in: Take care of yourself first, and don’t sweat the small stuff. How about you?
That’s it for now. Catch you on the flip side!
IDA’S PODCAST: A Sleeping Problem
Upcoming Performances and Book Events Winter/Spring 2018
March 7: Book Reading, Cumston Public Library, 6:30pm, Monmouth, ME
March 10: Book Reading, South Portland Public Library, http://southportlandlibrary.com/ 2:00pm, South Portland, ME
March 27: A Visit With Ida, South Berwick Public Library http://www.southberwicklibrary.org/ 7:00pm, South Berwick, ME
March 29: A Visit With Ida, Gardiner Adult Education, http://msad11.maineadulted.org/ 6:00pm, Gardiner, ME
April 10: Book Reading, Goodall Memorial Library, http://lbgoodall.org/#&panel1-1 6:30pm, Sanford, ME
May 1: Book Reading, Berwick Public Library, https://www.berwick.lib.me.us/ 6:00pm, Berwick, ME
Check out my full schedule here: http://www.idaswebsite.com/schedule/