So, I’m at the A&P, picking up a few things after work, when I run into Bucky Dumont. What a character!
“Hey there, Bucky. How you doing?”
“Not too shabby. Just picking up a few things for the missus.”
Sure enough, there in his shopping cart are eggs, bread milk.
“How about that case of Pabst, Bucky. She ask you to pick that up?”
“Nope. Them’s what I call my office supplies.”
Now, I’ve heard about Bucky’s office. It’s a shed off the barn that he has all tricked out with an old potbellied stove, TV, mini fridge, a beat up Barcalounger and a couple of rocking chairs for when his buddies drop over for a “board meeting.”
Just then, I notice Bucky has on a pretty decent pair of black boots. This brought me up short, because he’s usually sporting some beat-up old clod hoppers.
“Gee, Bucky, those are some swanky boots you got on.”
“Yup. They was a bargain, down to Mardens. Been trying to break ’em in, but they still smell like old tires.”
“I hear you. I once got a faux leather jacket at Reny’s that smelled like that. Seemed like a good deal at the time.” And it was kind of cute, too, if you ignored the odor.
Now experience has taught me, there are some things you can buy cheap, like plastic cups for the deck, and some things you just shouldn’t, like a good bra or a moisturizer with all the bells and whistles. Or a tattoo. Don’t ever go with the lowest bidder on a tattoo. I mean, is that Jesus or Jerry Garcia? Oh, and don’t skimp on the toilet paper. Two-ply, all the way.
Back at the A&P, Bucky goes his way, I go mine. That’s when I become aware of this weird squeaking sound. A few minutes later, I hear it again. Just then, Bucky turns the corner and heads down the aisle toward me. That’s when I realize the sound is coming from him. At first I thought it was his shopping cart. (You know how that is when you grab a gimpy cart?) But no, it’s Bucky’s new boots! So, not only do his boots smell like old tires, they squeak like all get out when he walks!
“Hello there, Squeaky!” I says.
“They do make a racket, don’t they?”
I’m eyeing his shopping cart which is now plum-chucka full of corn chips, pork rinds, Slim Jims, and a couple of boxes of day old donuts. “Looks like you got quite a board meeting coming up!”
“Yup. We’re solving the problems of the world, one beer at a time.”
“It’s hard work, but someone’s gotta do it.”
And off he goes, squeak, squeak, squeak. I’m thinking Bucky is not much of a bargain shopper. Though the “missus” probably doesn’t mind ’cause she can hear him coming a mile away!
That’s it for now. Catch you on the flip side!
Hear Ida Tell It: Bucky’s New Boots