Candy Corn is not a vegetable. I know. It doesn’t seem fair. If it was, let me tell you, Doctor Oz would be very proud of me right now because I’ve been managing to squeeze in at least five servings of candy corn per day. And that’s before lunch.
The thing is, I don’t even like candy corn that much. I mean, what is it really? Well, I looked it up, and candy corn is made up of sugar, water, corn syrup and marshmallow, so it’s just packed with nutrients. Get this: a “serving size” is supposed to be 19 pieces. Seriously? I have a bottomless bowl of candy corn at home and every time I go by it, I take a handful. Sure, after awhile I get kind of nauseous, but that doesn’t seem to stop me. I hang tough ‘cause it’s October. It’s sort of my duty to eat candy corn. And I’m not the only one. Candy companies make about thirty-five million pounds of candy corn a year. Yikes! That gives me a sugar headache just thinking about it.
So, why do I eat candy corn if I don’t really love it? Well, I suppose it reminds me of being a kid. Of taking a kernel of candy corn and biting off one color at a time. Of being so excited about getting dressed up and going trick-or-treating. So there’s that. Plus, they’re fat free, so that’s good right? Better than those tiny temptations: the appropriately named “fun-size” mini candy bar. Honey, those are like crack cocaine!
In a sugar stupor one night last week, I went tooling around the internet and on a whim decided to see which Halloween candies are the best and worst for you. I probably shouldn’t have done that. And I definitely shouldn’t have read an article on the “Eat This, Not That” website.
First, they scare the bejesus out of you by telling you how much sugar is in Halloween candy, which is kind of the point of candy, right? Then, they “analyzed the nutritionals for the snack size or fun size portions.” I don’t even know what that means.
Here are their top five best picks:
- Jelly Belly Jelly Beans: Once a year for jelly beans is enough for me, and I’m holding
out for Easter. - Pixy Stix: I haven’t had one of those since I was a kid. God, I used to love ‘em, but I have no real desire to relive this childhood experience.
- Smarties: Same deal here.
- Dum-Dum pops: There’s not even a tootsie roll center in these puppies, so why bother.
- Nerds: I don’t know what these are. They’re described as “tiny, tangy, crunchy candies,” which you could say about everything on the top five list.
It’s hard to get really excited about any of these.
Wondering what the five worst picks are? Well, I am here to serve.
- Reese’s mini’s: I love these!
- Reese’s pieces: Another winner, but I like the mini’s better.
- Hershey’s Take 5: I’ve never had one of these but they sound wicked tasty! Check this out: milk chocolate, pretzels, peanut butter, caramel, and peanuts, oh, my!
- Butterfingers: Yum! Just yum!
- M&M’s: What’s wrong with M&M’s? They melt in your mouth, not in your hand. And the peanut ones have protein.
In case you were wondering, candy corn only ranked 20th on the worst list. Not half bad!
Aright, then. My mouth is watering! Only a three weeks to go. Okay, plus the clearance sales after. Beside, considering how wacky the world is right now, eating Halloween candy feels more like self care. So, take two Reese’s mini’s and call me in the morning.
That’s it for now. Catch you on the flip side!
Hear Ida Tell It: Candy Corn is Not a Vegetable