Charlie and me went for a massage last Saturday. Yes, you read that right. Charlie got a massage, and not by me. By a guy named Michael.
Let me start at the beginning. For Christmas, our niece Caitlin gave us each a gift certificate for a one hour
massage. She knows how much I love being pampered, no question about that, but it was a kind of outside the box choice for Charlie. He would have been happy with one of them Hickory Farms sausage and cheese gift box type deals.
God love her, Caitlin’s heart is in the right place. She knew work had been tense for Charlie what with all the layoffs down to the mills. Plus, winter means extra wear and tear on my hubby what with all that snow blowing, shoveling and roof raking. Charlie, like me, is not as young as he used to be.
Besides, Adam, Caitlin’s live in boyfriend, is a little more in touch with his feminine side, I guess you could say, than Charlie. She said Adam loves getting a massage, though somehow, I think Caitlin’s the one giving the massage and it ends with more than just a glass of water and a tip.
When he unwrapped his gift, Charlie pretended to be happy, but I think he was a little scared.
Afterwards, he says to me, “Here.”
“What are you doing?”
“I’m giving you my gift certificate. You love getting a massage.”
“Yes, I do. And I’d like to oblige, but no go.”
“Why not?”
“That was a thoughtful gift from Caitlin, and she’ll know you didn’t use it because she’ll ask how it was. I don’t want to hurt her feelings and neither do you.”
“I guess not.”
And that’s that, I thought. So I made our appointment and then had to reschedule. Twice. But we finally went on Saturday. I said it was part of my birthday celebration. Charlie couldn’t argue with that.
I was wicked excited about it, but you’d think Charlie was going to a firing squad. “You looking forward to your massage?” I says to him.
“Nope. I have yard work I gotta do.”
“Oh for God’s sake, stop acting like a big baby and suck it up, Charlie. It’s a massage, not an execution!”
I’d scheduled our appointments for the same time, but not in the same room. I just don’t get that couples massage thing. I want to be in my own little world. I chose a guy masseuse for Charlie figuring he’d relax more. You know, he wouldn’t be worried about being overly stimulated, if you catch my drift.
“So I leave on my underwear, right?” he asks.
“You can if you want. I get completely naked.”
“I’m not getting naked with a guy.”
“Suit yourself.”
To be honest, Charlie looked so funny sitting there filling out the paperwork beforehand. You know, it’s all dim lights and new agey music. Thank God the gift certificates were for a new place in town. I think Caitlin must have gotten a Groupon or something. I would have been hard pressed to get Charlie to go to Bangor.
Once we got there, Charlie was on his own because a massage is my time. I figured, he’d either like it or not, and there was nothing I could do about it. I was going relax and enjoy.
Afterwards, once we’re in the car, I says to Charlie, “So, how was it?”
“Michael gave me a chocolate.”
“Don’t worry. That doesn’t mean you’re dating, Christine gave me one, too. Did you find it at all relaxing?”
“Every once in a while, it hurt like a son of a gun.”
“That’s how you can tell it’s a good massage. They’re working the kinks out.”
“Well, I still don’t see the appeal. But, I guess it wasn’t half bad.”
“I’m proud of you, Charlie, for soldiering on. Why don’t we stop in at the Busy Bee, get some lunch? My treat.”
Charlie brighten up. “Sounds like a plan. You want my chocolate?”
What a guy!
That’s if for now. Catch you on the flip side!
Hear Ida Tell It: Charlie Gets a Massage
Coming Up This Week
June 2 & 3: Ida: Woman Who Runs With the Moose, The Footlights Theatre, http://www.thefootlightsinfalmouth.com/ 7:30pm, Falmouth, ME
Upcoming Shows and Book Events: Spring/Summer
June 9: Book Reading: The Sweet Life, Boothbay Harbor Memorial Library Literary Luncheon, https://bbhlibrary.org/ 11:30am, Boothbay Harbor, ME
July 8: Books in Boothbay: Maine’s Summer Book Fair, Boothbay Railway Village, 9:00am to 1:00pm, Boothbay, ME
July 15: The Best of Ida, Fundraiser for the Moose River Valley Historical Society, https://www.sites.google.com/site/jackmanmooserivermuseum/ 7:00pm, Jackman, ME
July 18: Book Reading: The Sweet Life, Rangeley Public Library, http://rangeleylibrary.org/ 6:00pm, Rangeley, ME
August 5: Ida’s Havin’ a Yard Sale!, Deertrees Theatre, http://www.deertrees-theatre.org/ 7:30pm, Harrison, ME