I had a little down time this week, so I was checkin’ out the latest fall fashions, thinkin’ I’d update my wardrobe with a few must-haves. Holy fashion faux pas, Batman! If you’re a middle-aged woman like me, who topped out at 5’2” and is currently losin’ ground in that department, it’s pretty slim pickins!
Let’s start off with the “you’ve got to be kiddin’” category. This is where I’m puttin’ anything that uses the word “skinny” as part of its name, as in “skinny, mid-rise denim,” or articles of clothin’ that imply skinny, like leather leggings. Where are we livin’? Sherwood Forest?
Oh, and any items of clothing that are flat out impractical; you know, you’d wear it once and it’d be ruined, like silk trousers. Or those that are just plain uncomfortable, like pointy-toed shoes. Why would I want to torture my tootsies like that?
Other not-so-hot trends for gals of a certain age: Army jackets, contrast sleeve moto-jackets, bomber jackets and scuba jackets. My rule of thumb is, if you wouldn’t want to attempt the activity the jacket was intended for, you’re gonna look funny wearin’ it! I’m also not feelin’ the love for the graphic sheath dress, graphic pullover, patterned pencil skirt and leather skirts. And I’m sayin’ a big NO to donnin’ a peasant dress or patterned midi-skirt. If you watched “Little House on the Prairie” when you were a kid, you might be able to pull off this look. But if you, like me, think of Michael Landon, not as Laura Ingalls’ Dad, but as Little Joe, well, best give it a pass. And forget the quirky sneakers and colorful socks: honey, we crossed that bridge a long time ago!
Then there are all the things that may work for you, but just won’t for me. I’m petite, so lots of texture tends to, I don’t know, overwhelm me. The tweed blazer is makin’ a comeback this fall. I can’t carry it off, but maybe you can. Ditto, the nubby cardigan. I also try to avoid anything oversized, like a men’s wear watch, or an oversized clutch. And them tuxedo blazers are just too boxy for me. Oddly, things that are cropped make me look like I’m even shorter than I am, so I don’t see cropped black trousers in my future, or brimmed hats, for that matter. Nothin’ puts a damper on your day like hat hair. I need height wherever I can get it, and aim for an extra inch at least with my coif. And once again I’ll say it: I do not have a waist, so a bright colored belt is a no-go. It’s like putting a Post-it on my belly saying, “This is what an apple shape looks like, folks!”
Now guys, if you’ve made it this far into my blog, I admire your stick-to-itiveness. I’m runnin’ down the situation for gals, if you couldn’t tell. My recommendation for you? Head down to your local outdoor store, and see what you can score in camo and blaze orange. That stuff’s always in style ‘round here. And in the good news department: shorter than usual pants are now in style for men, so all them high-water pants you’ve been sportin’ for years are now in. Add some colorful socks, and it’s just like New York, baby.
So, as I say, this fall’s fashion trends for middle-aged women are pretty slim pickins. I guess “wine” is a big color. I can carry that off, I think. It’s basically maroon, right? Any sort of red or purple perks a gal up. Ankle boots? With slacks, sure. “Loafers with flair.” If you’re talkin’ sparkle, I’m there. I could probably carry off a polka dot sweater, if the dots weren’t too big. Word of warning: even if you can wear large prints, big polka dots are problematic. If you combine a big polka dot sweater with “apple cheeks” (which is how they’re still saying you should be wearin’ your blush), and add a statement necklace, you’re just a bad perm and a clown nose away from the full Bozo!
So basically, if I’m going to update my wardrobe for fall, I’m down to getting a couple new dressy scarves, maybe a colorful handbag, some sparkly loafers and a new pair of “wine” toned slacks. ‘Cause somehow I don’t see myself down to the A&P, standing at register 3, in leather leggings and a contrast sleeve moto-jacket, sporting a men’s wear watch, quirky sneakers and a brimmed hat.
That’s it for now. Catch you on the flip side!
IDA’S PODCAST: Fall Fashion Tip
Ida/Susan in your neck of the woods!
Nothin’ going on this week except spiffin’ up my house, but mark your calendars for next week.
NOVEMBER 16:
Reading and Signing: “Finding Your Inner Moose”
4 – 6 p.m.
Barnes and Noble, 45 Gosling Road, Newington, NH
603-422-7733
NOVEMBER 17:
Signing: Finding Your Inner Moose
11 a.m. – 2 p.m.
Skillins Greenhouse Holiday Open House
89 Foreside Road, Falmouth, ME
207-781-3860
http://www.skillins.com/
I’ll be traveling around quite a bit in the next few months, so check back here each Monday for where I’ll be that week, or click on the “Where’s Ida” link to the left to see my full schedule.
If you’d like me to do a reading at your library, organization or what not, please don’t hesitate to drop me a line:
ida@idaswebsite.com
And if your book group wants to read Finding Your Inner Moose, I’d love to be part of the discussion. Especially if food’s involved!