Here in the LeClair household, we’re counting down to Charlie’s hip replacement one week from today. We’ve had it scheduled since last fall. That’s when Charlie finally wrapped his head around the fact he had to deal with it because his bum hip was starting to get in the way of doing things he liked to do.
He’s been limping for awhile, but I knew he had to come around to it on his own. So, I didn’t push. Once he mentioned it though, I made an appointment right away. You wait too long with this stuff and your whole body gets outta whack. Before you know it, your good hip is now bad hip, your back’s wonky. You get what they call “cascading effects.” That’s not good.
Charlie didn’t want to have the hip replacement in the fall because of hunting season. He couldn’t miss that. I didn’t want him to do it in the winter because slipping on the ice could really mess up his recovery. And let’s get real, who would do the do snow blowing? Beginning of April is the sweet spot between dealing with the snow and having to mow the lawn. At least, that’s what I’m hoping. Besides, I’m having a hard enough time to get psyched up to go to the Transfer Station. Something like this makes me really appreciate all the stuff that Charlie does around the house.
It’s hard to look forward to something like this, and I know Charlie’s nervous about it. But I’m ready to Florence Nightingale the hell out of this thing. And six month down the road, I’m looking forward to seeing Charlie back to his old self with a spring in his step.
Here’s Charlie’s take on the situation.
Gettin’ Hip
Me, I’m not the whinin’ sort
So please excuse my poor report
That’s bound to sound like bellyachin’
Seen me limp? Well, I ain’t fakin’
Bum old hip is what I got
Doctor tells me, (thanks a lot)
If you’re ‘round to hear me groan
My hip is down to bone on bone
No jelly there to smooth the ride
So now I’ve got this lurching stride
That makes me walk like Frankenstein
Otherwise, I’m doin’ fine
Osteo, this bone on bone
Won’t get no better on its own
Osteo arthritis, oh
My hip, I guess, has got to go
Jitterbuggin’, I could dance
But nowadays, not a chance
Don’t count on me to cut the rug
I’m ‘bout as lively as a slug
I walk the woods in second gear
Always bringin’ up the rear
And cutting toenails, that ain’t pretty
My wife, she giggles out of pity
When I stumble, or I slip
I feel it here, right in my hip
Cortisone might help me soon-ah
But what I need’s the Big Kahuna
Osteo, this bone on bone
Won’t get no better on its own
Osteo arthritis, oh
My hip, I know, has got to go
With metal, I won’t have to suffer
Here I come, Bionic Duffer!
That’s it for now. Catch you on the flip side!
Here Ida Tell It: Gettin’ Hip
Summer Preview
July 12: Makin’ Whoopie, Deertrees Theatre, 7:30pm, Harrison, ME
August 17: The Best of Ida, Celebration Barn Theatre, 7:30pm, South Paris, ME
August 22 & 29: The Best of Ida, ACT ONE Summer Festival, 2:00 & 7:30pm, Portsmouth, NH
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