It’s that weird time of year where you’re driving along, glance over into someone’s yard, and suddenly you’re met with a sight that goes against all the laws of nature: a skeleton and a couple of ghosts hanging out with an inflatable turkey, Santa and his reindeer. What?! It’s enough to make you drive off the road. Totally unnatural!
Like seeing the mail truck on Sunday. For some reason, I find that spooky. I can’t explain it, I just do. I
stand there, frozen, staring out the window as the truck slowly passes by. I’m half expecting that instead of Bobby, our usual mailman, it’s driven by a clown with a white face, gnarly teeth, red hair and nose (like Stephen King’s IT). But instead of eyes, there are two Amazon logos. And that clown isn’t dropping off packages, no! It’s snatching people off the street and bringing them to work in the Amazon warehouse, never to be seen again.
Am I the only one who thinks we should celebrate one holiday before we go onto the next? They’re too close together as it is. We don’t need to accentuate that. Don’t get me wrong. I love each holiday, separately. But the thought of “the holidays,” all smooched together in a frenzy of over committing, over eating, running here and there, I find that overwhelming. And I don’t especially need to see that brought to life in someone’s yard. At the very least, get rid of the pumpkins! I don’t care if you did put a Pilgrim hat on it. Love ‘em in October. In November, not so much! And definitely not in December. Besides, come November, those pumpkins are supposed to be in a pie, in my belly. That’s the circle of life, baby!
Granted, I used to be of the opinion that we should have no Christmas decorations up until after Thanksgiving. I’ve said it before: let Tom Turkey have his day, right? But with Covid and all the anxiety and hardship that goes along with a global pandemic, I’m willing to make an exception. Up to a point.
Sure, while it’s warmer out, put up your lights. We could all use a little something to perk us up. Go ahead and hang them icicle lights and put that big JOY sign in your yard, Guy Charbonneau. Heck, add in a few angels while you’re at it. We need all the help we can get. But how about saving the full on Christmas treatment with Santa and his helpers until after Turkey Day. That way we have something to look forward to. We need to pace ourselves people!
That’s it for now. Catch you on the flip side!
Hear Ida Tell It: It’s Unnatural
Three Live Shows
December 10-12, A Very Ida Christmas! at The Public Theatre in Lewiston, ME
Friday at 7:00, Saturday and Sunday at 2:00
Video-On-Demand December 16-26, 2021