We all know I love Christmas, there’s not double about that. But sometimes you can have too much of a good thing. ‘Course it would help if stores didn’t start putting out their Christmas stuff before Halloween. I say, let Tom Turkey have his day. No decorations up before Thanksgiving. That way it stays special.
Still, my holiday spirit is shining bright. Unfortunately, I can’t say the same for Charlie. He’s not as big on Christmas as I am to begin with. I know, that’s hard to believe. Sure, he had fun playing Santa at the Down Home Holiday Festival a couple weekends ago. But right now, he’s run outta ho, ho, ho’s. He’ll rally on December 24th when he and the boys (the Santa Squad they call themselves) deliver presents to kids in need, and for the day of. He always does. Still, at the moment his fa la la la la’s has flown the coop.
The last straw came this weekend when Charlie’s loading up his truck for a trip to the transfer station, and this couple walks by playing Christmas carols for all the world to hear. They were merry, but Charlie? Not so much.
I’ll let Ebenezer tell you about it.
Jingle Bellyachin’
‘Round Halloween, before the snow,
We started hearing “Ho, ho, ho”
Santa music, “Jingle Bells,”
All those songs we know so well
Melodies you can’t ignore
When you step into any store
Soon as trick-or-treatin’s done
The Christmas season has begun
Now, Santa don’t give no awards
To those with bad extension cords
Or Christmas lights where half are blown
For that, you’ll only get a groan
‘Round Thanksgiving, weeks ago,
Saw Santa down to Home Depot
And he had all you’d ever need
To jazz your place up, guaranteed
Wreaths and lights and kissing balls
Everything to deck your halls
But motor oil? Not a trace!
I thanked him as I left the place
And “Jingle Bells,” it keeps on blaring
Man, that song gets mighty wearing
When you’re out there, pumping gas
With three weeks left until Xmas
Then I was struck, last Saturday,
While loading trash into my “sleigh”,
By Santa music, drawing near
These two thought they were spreading cheer
By playing carols on their phone
In front of everybody’s home
Happy as they heard the track,
They waved at me, I waved back
I drove our trash off to the dump
And there, I felt my spirits slump
‘Cause just as I arrived, I swear,
“Jingle Bells” was playing there
Day after Christmas, with a tug,
St. Nick will finally pull the plug
I promise, then, that I’ll awaken
And quit my Jingle Bellyachin
That’s it for now. Catch you on the flip side!
Hear Ida Tell It: Jingle Bellyaching
A Very Ida Christmas
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