I was at Jo-Ann Fabric, Saturday. I needed some thread to match a button that had fallen off one of my sweaters, and the thread on the other buttons was a shade of blue I just didn’t have in my sewing kit. Isn’t that always the way?
“Charlie,” I says, as we pull up to the front door, “this’ll only take a sec.”
“Famous last words,” he mumbles. As far as he was concerned, we were at the Mall to see “The Expendables 3.” I know, do we really need another one? Wasn’t “1” and surely “2” enough? But this sort of flick makes Charlie so happy. Plus, we were gonna grab supper at the Olive Garden after, so what did I have to lose?
“Five minutes, Ida. I don’t wanna be late.”
“OK, OK!”
I find my thread, no problem. Sure, I had to nudge aside an old lady checking out the fake flowers, and I may have hip-checked a kid playing with the ribbons (just kidding), but so far, so good. What I didn’t take into account was the fact that it’s a Saturday in October, and folks are gearing up for Halloween.
I get to the check out, and of course, it’s stacked three deep. And I’m not talking people with one or two items in a hand-held basket. No, in my lane, the shortest one of the three they have open, I’m behind not one, but two Miss Crafty Crafts. That’s right! Two women, flushed with shopping fever, massive carts just loaded to the gills with all manner of fall decorations and Halloween paraphernalia, both of them clutching a fist full of coupons. I’m thinking, you’ve got to be kidding!
Don’t get me wrong. Me and my pals, the Women Who Run With the Moose, are big into crafts. I have been that woman with the coupons who needs a price check ‘cause she happened to grab the only glow-in-the-dark singing pumpkin without a price tag. But I was not that woman on Saturday. I was the woman with a single spool of thread in one hand and her cash clutched in the other. I was the woman with her husband waiting out in the car, the woman who needed to pee, who loves to get to the movies early enough to see the previews.
Why don’t they have an express lane at Jo-Ann Fabric?! It sure comes in handy down to the A&P, especially when the folks using that lane actually have fourteen items or less. I mean, get with the program Jo-Ann Fabric ‘cause this is ridiculous! The woman one lane over from me must have been thinking the same thing. She sighed, threw the five buttons she was holding down in a bin of discounted beach balls and stormed out the door.
That seemed to snap the woman directly in front of me out of shopping la-la land. She saw I had only the single spool of thread, and nicely let me go in front of her. My bladder did a happy dance.
“Thank you!” I told her. “You’ve done your good deed for the day.”
Charlie and me made it to the movie in time for me to pee, visit the concession stand and catch the tail end of the last preview. Happily, the movie wasn’t half bad. It’s action packed, that’s for sure. Well, they don’t let a lot of plot slow ‘em down! To be honest, I did a little menu planning during some of the longer chase scenes. But it’s fun seeing them older guys (Sylvester Stallone, Harrison Ford and all) running around having adventures. And I gotta to tell you, they’re in pretty good shape, so the hunk factor is high. Plus, I’m in it for the popcorn and candy, anyways.
That’s it for now. Catch you on the flip side!
IDA’s PODCAST: Jo-Ann Fabric Hell
October 10: The Moose in Me, The Moose in You, Keynote Speech,NH Council on Developmental Disablilities Caregivers Conference, Concord, NH
October 26: Book Reading, Betsy Ross House, 3:00 p.m., South Portland, ME
October 27: The Moose in Me, The Moose in You, Community Concepts staff retreat, 1:00 p.m. & 2:15 p.m., Newry, ME
November 7-9: I Married an Alien, The Public Theatre, Friday and Saturday at 7:00 p.m., Sunday at 3:00 p.m., Lewiston, ME
November 20: Book Reading, Hubbard Free Library, 6:30 p.m., Hallowell, ME
November 29 & 30: A Very Ida Christmas, The Footlights, Saturday at 7:00 p.m., Sunday at 2:00 p.m., Falmouth, ME