We’ve had some beautiful days here in Mahoosuc Mills. In fact, I got so inspired by the warm weather, I switched my closet over to my summer clothes. Then, it got cold and dreary. Yes, it’s my fault. It’s the same in the fall. I switch it over, then we seem to get a hot snap. It’s bounced back now, of course, but when will I learn?
I have gotten smarter. I keep medium weight clothes that work for spring in my closet until summer is firmly established. Then, I take those clothes and put ‘em in one of them big Tupperware type boxes marked “transition.”
Awhile back, I’m in the bedroom with my niece, Caitlin. I was getting a pair of sandals out of my closet for her to try on. I figured if they fit and she liked them, I’m give them to her because they’d never been worn. Got them at Payless on one of them BOGO deals. I got so excited at the thought of saving money, I got something just to get something.
Anyhoo, Caitlin sees the box marked “transition,” and says, “Is there something you’d like to tell me, Aunt Ida?”
So I’ve been checking out, like I do every year, the hot fashion trends for spring and summer. I don’t know why I do this. I guess it’s kind of like poking at a sore tooth because most of the stuff is unwearable if you’re: 1) a woman of a certain age, 2) firmly planted, meaning you’re too short for your weight, 3) live in Maine or 4) all of the above.
Here’s some of the hottest fashion do’s for spring and summer, that, from my point of view, are fashion don’ts.
The exposed bra: That ship sailed a long time ago. And really, wearing your underwear on the outside is just plain wrong. It’s called underwear for a reason.
Head to toe floral: This, folks, is your one way ticket to looking like a mémé.
Post minimalism: What the heck does this even mean?
Mix and match and statement stripes: If you don’t have a knack for this kind of thing, you look like you got dressed in the dark. Not very attractive!
Single shoulder cut out: Looks like you got tired and didn’t finish sewing your outfit.
Flash dance shoulders: No! Just no! Been there, done that. And ruined a couple really nice sweatshirts to boot.
Peek-a-boo: That’s those little shear cut outs. I say, peek-a-boo is a game best played by a baby, and not a middle aged cashier down to the A&P.
Waist cinchers: I would have to find my waist first. And why would I want to wear something that highlighted the very thing I want to camouflage?
Here are some hot spring trends that you may see in Mahoosuc Mills, but they probably won’t look quite like they did on the runway.
Boy Scout sash: Yes, but that sash would actually be worn by a boy scout.
80’s glam and big earrings: Never went out of style, baby.
Robes: Seriously, this is a fashion trend. Wear your robe as a coat when you go out. Now Simone Roberge, cigarette firmly in the corner of her mouth, will be in style once a day when she shuffles out to get the mail.
Slogan tees: Definitely. Though in Mahoosuc Mills, those tee shirts are going to say things like “John Deer,” “Maine’s Got Plenty of Moxie,” and “I’m with Stupid” (with an arrow pointing down, if you get what I’m saying.)
Bright colors are also in, especially yellow and pink. I’m thinking about pushing the envelope with one or more of those, even though I’m a pastel gal myself. It’s always good to try something new every once and awhile. How about you? What’s your new look for spring? Flash Dance shoulders on your statement tee exposing a black bra? Head to toe floral with a boy scout sash? Striped pj’s, a bright pink robe, and humongous earrings? Whatever you decided to do, honey, own it!
That’s it for now. Catch you on the flip side!
IDA’S PODCAST: Spring Fashion Trends
Upcoming Shows and Book Events: Spring/Summer
May 18: Book Reading: Finding Your Inner Moose & The Sweet Life, Winslow Public Library, http://www.winslow-me.gov/departments/library 6:00pm, Winslow, ME
May 27: Ida’s Havin’ a Yard Sale!, The Castle on Charles, http://www.castlenh.com/ 8:00pm, Rochester, NH
June 2 & 3: Ida: Woman Who Runs With the Moose, The Footlights Theatre, http://www.thefootlightsinfalmouth.com/ 7:30pm, Falmouth, ME
June 9: Book Reading: The Sweet Life, Boothbay Harbor Memorial Library Literary Luncheon, https://bbhlibrary.org/ 11:30am, Boothbay Harbor, ME
July 8: Books in Boothbay: Maine’s Summer Book Fair, Boothbay Railway Village, 9:00am to 1:00pm, Boothbay, M
July 15: The Best of Ida, Fundraiser for the Moose River Valley Historical Society, https://www.sites.google.com/site/jackmanmooserivermuseum/
7:00pm, Jackman, ME
July 18: Book Reading: The Sweet Life, Rangeley Public Library, http://rangeleylibrary.org/ 6:00pm, Rangeley, ME
August 5: Ida’s Havin’ a Yard Sale!, Deertrees Theatre, http://www.deertrees-theatre.org/ 7:30pm, Harrison, ME