Me and the Women Who Run With the Moose were down to the Bangor Mall the other day. You know, living la vida loca. Came time for lunch, and we went to this cute little café that just opened up. (Can’t remember the name.)
I ordered a Chipotle Chicken Panini with a side of sweet potato fries. After the waitress left the table, I says to the girls, “It just dawned on me, if we walked in here ten years ago, we wouldn’t know what half the things on this menu are. We’d be like, “What the heck’s a Panini?”
“I know!” Betty adds. “Now, we get disappointed if they hand us a menu and they don’t have Panini’s.”
Shirley jumps in, “Me, I still think sweet potatoes should just be on to Thanksgiving.”
“Baked,” adds Rita, “with miniature marshmallows on top.”
“You betcha!”
“Tell me this,” Dot asks, “what the heck’s the difference between focaccia and a flatbread? I mean, isn’t focaccia flat bread?”
“I know. It’s all so confusing.”
Betty goes, “I think the kale craze is on the way out.”
“Thank goodness for small favors,” I says. “’Oh, these kale chips are delicious,’ said no one, ever!”
“Now, it’s all about gluten-free.”
“Holy cow!” goes Celeste. “Doesn’t it seem like everything’s got gluten in it, and just about everyone’s allergic to it?”
“Or think they are,” mumbles Shirley.
“No, some people really are,” Dot says. “Like Phyllis Tibodeau. Without it, she just looks and feel so much better. But do we really need “gluten-free” labels on stuff that never had gluten to begin with?”
“Get this: a bunch of my niece Caitlin’s friends are vegan: no meat, no dairy, no eggs.”
“No fun!”
“I mean, seriously, without bacon, I’d lose the will to live.”
“So would I.”
Betty adds, “I run into Vicki Welsh the other day. She was doing this “vegan ‘til 5:00” thing. You heard of that? I guess you eat like a monk all day, then come five o’clock, you slap a side of beef on the grill, and top that off with a Ben & Jerry’s chaser!”
“Hey, Caitlin told me about this dinner party she threw a few weeks ago. One girl’s a vegetarian who ‘doesn’t eat anything with a face,’ okay? Then, you have your vegan. Someone else is allergic to soy, dairy, all beans except black ones, corn, gluten and shell fish. Another one doesn’t eat nightshades.”
“What the heck is that?”
“I didn’t know, either. Caitlin says it’s tomatoes, potatoes, peppers, eggplant and I can’t remember what all.”
“Poor Caitlin!”
“Sounds like a total, friggin’ disaster.”
“She finally had to make her dinner party a pot luck, where each guest could only eat the dish they brought.”
“Whoopee!”
Just then our lunch arrived, and we dug in. My Panini was wicked tasty, and I even got Shirley to sample a sweet potato fry.
“Come on,” I says, “try one.” Shirley rolls her eyes and sighs at the same time (which is hard to do, but she’s a master), and samples a fry. “What’d you think?”
“Tastes like it’s good for you.”
On the way home, we did stop at the DQ for a little, you know, something-something. We didn’t have trouble deciphering that menu. In fact, we could all probably recite it from heart!
That’s it for now. Catch you on the flip side!
Hear Ida Tell It: New Fangled Food
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