I ran into my old friend Joan at the DQ the other day. She was ordering a banana split.
“Hey there, Joan,” I says. “What are you celebrating?” (See, I knew it had to be a special occasion. I mean, you don’t order a banana split for nothing, right?
Joan goes, “I just went for a stress test. You know, to check out your heart. Make sure you’re not about to keel over.”
“Oh, I’ve never had one of those. Were you nervous?”
“You betcha. Number one, I don’t like to break a sweat. Ever. And B, I’m not what you’d call real athletic.”
“I hear you.”
“Still, I wanted to ace the test. Mostly because I knew that if I did so, I wouldn’t have to repeat it anytime soon. So, I hired a personal trainer to help me get in shape for the it.”
“There you go! That’s wicked smart.”
“I thought so. Her name’s Sally… something. Can’t remember.”
“How’d you make out with the test?”
“Well, they did all the usual stuff: temp, blood pressure (which was higher than usual).”
“Of course it was!”
“So, it’s was time for the treadmill and I’m in the zone, deep breathing, doing a few easy stretches, just like Sally taught me. I’m ready to get it over with, already, when the nurse says to me, ‘Please remove your clothing from the waist up and put on this Johnnie.’”
“Ida, I looked her straight in the eye and said, ‘No!’”
“You didn’t!”
“I did. The nurse was a little shocked, so I says to her ‘Listen, I’m a well-endowed woman and I am not getting on that treadmill without a bra.’”
“The nurse says, ‘We ask you to take your bra off because the metal in the under-wire interferes with the imaging we do following the test.’”
“I stood my ground, ‘Okay, I will remove it for the imaging, but I am not getting on that treadmill without my bra. This is non-negotiable!’”
“Good for you, Joan! As my niece Caitlin says, you were speaking your truth.”
“That I was. And the nurse knew it, too. So, me and my bra walked on that treadmill for what seemed like forever. Then, I whipped it off in time for the imaging.”
“And?”
“I aced the test.”
“Congratulation, Joan! That is definitely worth celebrating.”
“Yup! Plus, I never broke a sweat. How about that, huh? Truth be told, I did get a little dewy, but that doesn’t really count. I decided to keep this new health kick going by getting a banana lit.”
“How you figure that?”
“Well, Ida, it has fruit in it!”
That’s it for now. Catch you on the flip side!
Hear Ida Tell It: Non-Negotiable