We celebrated Celeste’s birthday last weekend with a party over to Betty’s house. The whole gang was there and we had a wicked good time.
So Monday evening, Betty gives me a ring.
“Oh good, Ida, you’re there.”
“Far as I can tell,” I says. “What’s up?”
“You wouldn’t believe what just happened.”
“Try me.”
“Well, this morning I had to call the plumber because our half bath downstairs was, well, having issues.”
“I noticed something was funky with that toilet on Saturday. It’s always like that when you have company, isn’t it? If it isn’t the toilet, it’s the garbage disposal backing up or the dishwasher starts acting wonky, or something.”
“Don’t you just know it! Anyways, Pat’s talented in a lot of areas, but plumbing isn’t one of them. So I called Chuck Daigle.”
“Oh, he’s a good. Nice guy, too.”
“Isn’t he? And kind of cute. So, he had a cancelation, and could fit me in this morning.”
“Lucky you!”
“Yeah, huh? So, Pat and me figure it might be time to replace the toilet. It’s been acting finicky for awhile now. So Chuck’s taking a look at it while I’m puttering around. He come’s into the kitchen, what, five minutes later? No more than that. ’What’s the verdict?’ I ask.”
“’Well,’ he says, ‘the good news is, you don’t need a new toilet. The bad news is, you’re gonna have to buy yourself a new pair of glasses.’”
I jump in, “No! They weren’t!”
“Yes, they were!”
“Had you known they were missing.”
“Yes, that’s the thing. Me and Pat must’ve spent half of the weekend looking for them. Tore the house upside down. I mean, crawling around on the floor to look under the couch, the bed, tossing pillows around. Even checked the vegetable bin because, you know, menopause. We could not find them!”
“Were they in your pocket when you used the john? You know, kind of slipped out?”
“Well, that’s what I thought at first, but then Chuck showed me what else he found down 
there: a couple of pink plastic barrettes and a My Pretty Pony miniature hair brush, also pink.”
“I’m guessing those aren’t Pat’s.”
“Nope, I believe it’s the work of that criminal mastermind, Emma.”
“The cutest grandkid in the world?”
“Bingo, one in the same. Friday’s our day together. She wants to be a big girl now, and close the bathroom door. Fine, but I notice she keeps flushing the toilet. That’s a good thing, I’m thinking. I mean, maybe we’re in a new phase and I don’t have to go in and look at and congratulate her for every poop.”
“That would be nice,” I says. “So, she’s learning about how to use the toilet.”
“Right, and how to make things disappear.”
“And what’d her little magic trick run you?”
“75 bucks!”
“Plus the new glasses.”
“Oh, ya. Plus a new pair of prescription reading glasses. Wait ‘til I tell Pat.”
“Good think Emma’s cute,” I says.
“Oh, God love her!”
That’s it for now. Catch you on the flip side!
Hear Ida Tell It: Plumbing Magician
This Fall
September 25: A Visit With Ida, South Berwick Senior Center, 11:00am, South Berwick, ME
October 17: The Moose in Me, The Moose in You!, National Hospice Volunteer Conference, 8:00pm, Holiday Inn By the Bay, Portland, ME
November 3: Cold River Radio Show Live featured storyteller, 7:00pm, Theatre in the Wood, Intervale, NH
Bring Ida to your group. I love entertaining groups, small and large! The following are wicked fun for after lunch, after dinner, rewards banquets, keynote speeches and what not.
A Visit With Ida
This is a bunch of my favorite stories from all my shows, plus brand new ones. I custom design this program to meet your needs in terms of length and can feature subjects of interest: friendship, men, marriage, health, weight, life in a small town, seasonal stories, you name it!
The Moose in Me, The Moose in You
Move over Oprah! I have found my “inner moose” and become a Certified Maine Life Guide. After years of “Running with the Moose”, I’ve picked up a few pointers. And you know what? It turns out, you can learn a lot about life from a moose. In this motivational moose-terpiece, I’ll cover topics from A to Zumba, and offer helpful hints on to live a happier life.
A Holiday Visit With Ida
Join me as I celebrate the holidays with stories and reminiscences of Christmas time in the tiny town of Mahoosuc Mills, Maine. I just love Christmas, and I have the inside scoop on everything: the Not-So-Secret Santa plan, the do’s and don’ts of Holiday decorating and more! I’m no Scrooge, though, so banish your bah-humbug’s and come prepared to laugh!
For more information, contact Susan at: ida@idaswebsite.com