It’s the first blog of the month again, so you know the drill. We’re trying to incorporate a little change from my book, Finding Your Inner Moose, into our life each month, hoping it becomes habit. Our aim? Livin’ the good life, of course.
Isn’t this year just is flying by? I mean, we’re already on “Chapter Six: A Good Marriage Starts With Please and Thank You.” Now like in real life, I do most of the talkin’ in my book. But I’m not the only one. My husband Charlie has a little section in each chapter where he weighs in on whatever topic I’m covering. You know, givin’ the guys point of view. His sections are called “Straight Talk from the Baracalounger,” ‘cause that’s where you’ll find him most evenings, in our double-wide, holding court. Here’s his take on the subject of marriage:
The key to a happy marriage? Look interested and say, “Yes, dear.”
You think I’m joking, but it’s true!
And tell her she looks nice. Took me a while to catch on to that one. Sure, if we were going out on the town and she was all dolled up, I’d say something. But that’s not enough.
Bottom line: Whether the two of you are going to a bean supper, or she’s off for a girls’ night out, or if she’s just going to work, your wife’s put some effort into how she looks. Even if you feel she’s missed the mark, compliment her. Say something like, “Don’t you look sharp tonight, deah,” or “Aren’t you something?” You’re not being dishonest. You’re showing her you notice and appreciate her. It’s about rewarding effort, not outcome. Trust me, just doing this one thing will improve the quality of your married life no end, ’cause a happy wife makes for a happy husband.
Now, when I started out writin’ my blog this mornin’, I thought to myself, Self, today I’m gonna let Charlie give marriage tips to guys. ‘Cause frankly, some of ‘em could use all the help they can get in this department. So, by letting him speak, I’d be doin’ a public service, right?
Then I got to thinkin’ about this “rewardin’ effort, not outcome” thing, and I realized I don’t always do this with Charlie. Now, I’m not talkin’ about complimentin’ his outfit, ‘cause he doesn’t really put all that much effort into what he’s wearin’ in the first place. Plus, about all he cares about is, does it have pockets and is it comfortable?
No, what came to me is that Charlie puts a lot of effort into other things: doin’ stuff ‘round the house, makin’ little functional gewgaws, fixin’ this and that and keepin’ the yard ship shape. And I don’t always do the proper amount of appreciatin’.
He’ll make a magazine rack for the “library” (that’s what Charlie calls the bathroom), and frankly, it’s a little more rustic than I had in mind. Or he puts up a new towel rack in the kitchen, and maybe it’s a tad off center. Or, he gets carried away prunin’ the shrubs. Whatever. In the bigger scheme of things, none of these things really matter, right? And besides, like a lot of guys, I know Charlie shows his love by doin’, not talkin’. How about treatin’ him the way I want to be treated, huh? Cut him some slack and reward effort, not outcome?
Thanks for the reminder, sweetheart. How’d you get to be so smart?
That’s it for now. Catch you on the flip side!
IDA’s PODCAST: Rewardin’ Effort, Not Outcome
Comin’ Up This Summer:
June 27: Book Signing, Savoir Flare, 3:00-7:00pm, Berlin, NH
July 2: Book Reading, Belfast Free Library, 6:30pm
July 13: Signing and Featured Reader, Books in Boothbay, 11:30am-3:30pm, Boothbay Harbor, ME
July 14: Book Reading, Casco Public Library, 4:00pm
July 16: Book Reading, Rangeley Public Library, 6:00pm
July 20: I Married an Alien!, Western Maine Storytelling Festival, 7:00pm, Farmington, ME
July 22: Book Reading, Huntington Common, 3:00pm, Kennebunk, ME
July 25: The Moose in Me, The Moose in You! Keynote Speech, DKG 2013 Northeast Regional Conference, Portland, ME
August 16: I Married an Alien!, Deertrees Theatre, 7:30pm, Harrison, ME
August 17: Islandport Authorfest, Book Siging with John Ford and Mark Ricketts, Kittery Trading Post, 11:00am-2:00pm, Kittery, ME
August 22: Ida: Woman Who Runs With the Moose!, ACT ONE Festival 2013, 2:00pm & 8:00pm, Portsmouth, NH
August 29: I Married an Alien!, ACT ONE Festival 2013, 2:00pm & 8:00pm, Portsmouth, NH
For details, please check out the schedule page on my website: http://www.idaswebsite.com/schedule/