My new book, The Sweet Life: Ida LeClair’s Guide to Love and Marriage, comes out this this week! I’m wicked excited about it, and am looking forward to the party. I thought I’d pique your interest by sharing an excerpt from Chapter Four which is about…..you guessed it.
Sex? I’m in favor of it.
A while back, me and the girls went to give blood. We try to do this every now and then because it’s a good thing to do. Plus, they give you snacks after, so it’s a win/win. They also ask you a ton of personal questions, which can take a little getting used to.
So afterwards, we’re sitting in the recovery area, drinking juice and eating Cheez-Its and Oreo cookies like we were goin’ to jail, when Celeste says, “How about those questions, huh? Shirley, what did you say when they asked about having sex with a gay man?”
“I told ‘em that was kind of personal, but if they really needed to know, yes, as far as I can tell. When my husband and me are having sex, he always seems happy.”
At which point, we go into hysterics.
And there you have it folks. Sex is easy to joke about, but hard to talk about. Even with your friends. Even with your mate, sometimes. Certainly, with your kids. You might fantasize about doing it with a movie star or the UPS guy (more on that later in this chapter), but generally, we don’t like to think about people knowing each other in the biblical sense: not our parents or our children, of course. Or how about Sadie Dupris, our town librarian, and her husband Frank, who’s an accountant, engaged in a torrid exploration of the Dewey Decimal system? Don’t think so. Or, God forbid, Whitey and June Herbert getting intimate on one of them blue tarps they use to cover the tables at their permanent yard sale. Geez Louise, I may have to poke out my eyes after the picture that flashed into my mind on that last one!
But, this is a book about marriage, and sex is part of the equation. So I’m gonna give it a go.
Just like in our double wide, I do most of the talkin’ in the book. But in each chapter, Charlie weighs in on whatever topic I’m covering. His sections are called “Straight Talk From the Barcalouger.” Here’s his input on the sex chapter.
Straight Talk From the Barcalouger: Is it Worth it?
Hey, we’ve all had to chance to stray, whether it’s with someone you work with or that cute little waitress when you’re off on a snowmobile trip. But you gotta ask yourself, Is it worth it? Am I willing to risk all I have for a half hour of fun and a whole boat load of guilt? And there’s no guarantees in the fun department, either. It’s not like you’re going to be spending the night in a five star hotel with a Victoria’s Secret model acting out every fantasy you’ve ever dreamed of. ‘Course, you probably don’t throw a pass like Tom Brady, either.
If you find yourself thinking the grass is greener over there, take a hard look at your own lawn, mister. Does it need tending? Then roll up your sleeves and get to work.
That’s it for now. Catch you on the flip side!
Hear Ida Tell It: Sex? I’m in Favor of It!
Book Launch This Week
May 19: Book Launch & Potluck Supper: The Sweet Life: Ida LeClair’s Guide to Love and Marriage, John F. Hill Grange Hall, 6:00 to 8:30pm, Eliot, ME
Upcoming Book Events and Performances
May 24: Book Reading: The Sweet Life, Patten Free Library, http://www.patten.lib.me.us/ 6:30pm, Bath, ME
May 28: Ida: Woman Who Runs With the Moose, The Castel on Charles http://www.castlenh.com/ 8:00pm, Rochester, NH
June 2: Book Reading: The Sweet Life, Hubbard Free Library, http://www.hubbardfree.org/ 6:00pm, Hallowell, ME
June 25: The Best of Ida, Celebration Barn Theater, http://www.celebrationbarn.com/ 8:00pm, South Paris, ME