Holy cow! Are there a lot of stunk bugs this year, or what? You know what I’m talking about. Those brownish bugs about a ½ inch long that appear in your house toward the end of September, beginning of October. The ones that, if you upset them or, God forbid squish them, they emit a terrible odor? It’s a smell that lingers, and (get this) attracts other stink bugs! I know! Where’s the justice? You try sealing everything up, but they’re sneaky.
They say on the internet that stink bugs are harmless. But are they really? The irritation alone is enough to raise you blood pressure. And, as you know, I have a wicked sharp sense of smell and a newly crushed stink bug is enough bring me to my knees. Yikes!
So if you’ve found yourself thinking, Are there more stink bugs this year than usual? You’re right. Because of the mild winter and long, hot summer, they were able to hatch two crops of stink bugs instead of the usual one. That’s twice as many stink bugs, if you’re keeping count. They are everywhere. I reached my limit the other night. I’ll let Charlie tell you about it.
If You Can’t Beat ‘Em
The wife and me, we hit the sack
When much to my surprise
Felt something crawling on my back
Something small in size
Rolled over and I heard it crack
That was when I knew
The critter was a stinkbug, ‘cause
The bed, it stunk: P U!
The wife, she goes, “Hang on a sec, 
I think I’ve got one here!”
And both of us hopped out of bed
To brush the bed sheets clear
“Now they’re in our bed?” she said,
“I can’t believe it’s true.
Be gone, you lousy stinkbugs,
And take your odor, too!”
October’s when they reappear
You wonder where they’ve been
You throw ‘em out the window, but
They only come back in
I thought I plugged up every hole
I must’ve missed a few
Now we’re inundated, and
We don’t know what to do
We checked our pillows, hit the light
And got back in the sack
Then me, with just my finger,
Started inching up her back
“Here comes Daddy Stinkbug
As I make my midnight creep!”
“Bug off!” she says, and scoots away
“Bug off, and let me sleep!”
That, Charlie! Now, I’m not one for killing insects. I’m more of a relocate them outside kind of gal, and that’s what I was doing at first. But it seems like every time I put one stink bug outside, three more would appear inside. I’ve taken to loosely catching them in a Kleenex and then flushing ‘em down the toilet. I know. I’m not proud of it, but there’s only so much a woman can take! I say an Act of Contrition, then flush away. I hate to see our water bill’s going to be this quarter, but it’s worth it. Die, Suckers! Die!
That’s it for now. Catch you on the flip side!
Hear Ida Tell It: Stink Bugs!