A couple of weeks ago, I had an experience that’s haunted me ever since. So much so, I felt the need to discuss it with the Women Who Run With the Moose when we got together for our girls’ night, Thursday evening.
Betty was hosting, and she was servin’ these skinny watermelon margaritas. Perfect for a hot, summer night in Mahoosuc Mills, and for helping the conversation flow. Not that us gals ever have a problem in that department.
“So last Saturday, I was at the baked bean supper down to the Congo Church,” I begin, “and who do I run into but Eleanor Purdy.”
“How is ol’ Ellie?” asks Shirley. “Just as sweet as ever?”
We all chuckle at that one.
Celeste goes, “That old gal must be pushin’ ninety.”
“Eighty-eight next week, she told me. Heck, she pretty much announced it to everyone there. She always was a little rough around the edges.”
“To put it mildly,” Shirley adds.
“Well, she was goin’ on about something or other, but I couldn’t stay with it. I was distracted by these little hairs she had sproutin’ all over her chin. Plus, she had this exceptionally long one growin’ from the end of her nose. I found it hard to look at anything else.”
Dottie goes, “Agin’ ain’t for the faint of heart.”
“No, it isn’t!” adds Betty. “All of a sudden you realize the fat on your body is moving around, headin’ from your butt to your stomach.”
“Your breasts to your inner thighs!”
“Yeah, but when your hair starts migratin’ that’s, thats…,” I sigh, unable to go on.
“It’s discouragin’, no doubt about it,” Celeste says.
For once, all six of us sit there in silence, ponderin’ our fate.
Finally, Shirley goes, “To be honest, I have a couple of places on my chin…”
“Me, too,” Rita jumps in.
“I have this place on the side of my face,” I say, “where there’s this tiny mole I have to keep a watch on.”
“Yup,” goes Dottie. “Here’s mine. I looked at it the other day, and suddenly it was about an eighth of inch long. Like over night! I mean, What the….? How long have I been walkin’ around with this thing?”
“Well,” Rita begins, “we have to get our husband to swear they’ll never let us leave the house with hair sproutin’ outta our face.”
“Thought of that, Rita, but here’s the deal. Charlie barely notices if I change my hair style! If I’m wearin’ a new outfit! If the towels are clean! I mean, I just don’t trust he’s payin’ that much attention.”
Ever the voice of reason, Betty chimes in “Clearly, we have to do it for each other. Make a pact.”
“Where do I sign up?” asks Dottie.
“Tweezers!” Celeste says, “We need official Women Who Run With the Moose tweezers.”
We all yell, “Road trip!”
“And if I black out,” Rita adds, “and end up in a coma or something, you have to promise to keep my eyebrows nice and trim my cuticles. Maybe do my hair once a week.”
“You bet, Rita. What are friends for?”
Shirley goes, “Geez Louise, this is getting way too deep for me. I could go for another one of these margaritas.”
“Me, too! Me, too!”
And before you know it, we’re on to other things, talking a mile a minute, eating like we haven’t seen food before and laughing like there’s no tomorrow. What a great bunch of gals!
That’s it for now. Catch you on the flip side!
Hear Ida Tell It: The Bearded Lady
Ida has a new show!
September 8 & 9: Makin’ Whoopie!, ACT ONE Beyond Festival, http://actonenh.org/ Friday at 7:30pm and Saturday at 2:00pm & 7:30pm, Portsmouth, NH
September 15 & 16: Makin’ Whoopie!, ACT ONE Beyond Festival, http://actonenh.org/ Friday at 7:30pm and Saturday at 2:00pm, Portsmouth, NH
September 29 & 30: Makin’ Whoopie!, The Footlights Theatre, http://www.thefootlightsinfalmouth.com/ Friday and Saturday at 7:30pm, Falmouth, ME
Also coming up in September
September 18: Book Reading, Franco-Amercian Centre, http://umaine.edu/francoamerican/University of Maine, 6:00pm, Orono, ME
September 19: Book Reading, Old Town Library, http://old-town.lib.me.us/ Tuesday Forum Luncheon: 11am-1pm, FREE catered light lunch is served from 11am-12pm with presentation from 12-1pm, call to reserve, Old Town, ME
September 19: Book Reading, Dirigo Pines Retirement Community, http://www.dirigopines.com/ 7:15pm, Orono, ME
With Caitlin’s help, I’ve finally learned to update the schedule on my website. Check it out here: http://www.idaswebsite.com/schedule/