So the other day, I’m working at the A&P, ringing out Pearl Plaisted when I notice she has on the cutest pair of angel earrings.
“Pearl,” I says, “look at those angel earrings. Aren’t they just adorable?” (See, I believe if someone is looking sharp, you should tell them.)
Pearl smiles. “Got ‘em down to the Dollar Store. Fifty cents!”
“That is a bargain at twice the price! Oh, and look at your angel pin.”
“Ida,” she says, “this is my guardian angel. I’ve taken to wearing it ever since that incident down to Home Depot.”
No one else was in line, so I shut off my register light, “Do tell, Pearl!”
“Well, Hank and me were down there looking at bathroom stuff. I’ve been pestering him to redo ours for ages.”
“Men need some coaxing, don’t they?”
“It’s enough to drive a woman to distraction. Well, I finally got him over there because his weed wacker broke and he needed a new one. ‘I’ll come with you,’ I says. So, since we were there, he agreed to look at the bathroom stuff.”
“I call that the Mt. Everest shopping strategy. ‘Since were here, we might as well look at the blah, blah, blah.’ Works like a charm.”
“You betcha! So we’re in the bathroom department, and I’m browsing around looking at styles and colors. And Hank’s doing what he does, you know, opening and closing things, checking out the how they work.”
“Yup, I know.”
“So, I find this cute little pedestal sink, and I turn to point it out to Hank, and he’s not there. I’m looking all
‘round. Then I spot him inside a shower stall, the kind with a door. He’s waving at me. I wave back and continue my browsing. A few minutes later, I realize he still hasn’t caught up to me. At this point, I’m getting kinda irritated. So I go back to where I last saw him, and he’s still in that shower stall. That’s when I catch on that he’s not waving at me, he’s motioning me to come over. So I go over, and it turns out Hank got into the shower stall, and couldn’t get himself out!”
“Really? Pearl, what did you do?”
“Well, Ida, I confess, I did think about leaving him in there. But then I figure after fifty years of marriage, I’d probably miss him. So I step up and jiggle the door handle a bit, and finally manage to get it open. Then I guess I’m feeling all satisfied with myself, and I step back, not remembering that that shower stall was up on a platform, maybe half a foot off the ground. So I fall back. The next thing I know I’m thinking, Who’s firing a rifle off in Home Depot?’ But that weren’t no rifle, Ida. That was the sound of my head hitting the cement floor.”
“Heavens, Pearl, are you alright?”
“Well, they called the rescue unit, of course, and they took me off on a stretcher. Oh, Ida, that thing was so comfortable. I says to the EMT, ‘This feels so cozy, I could just take a nap.’ And he practically jumps down my throat, ‘Don’t do that!’ he says.”
“Oh, no. You can’t fall asleep after you hit your head. I learned that on one of them hospital shows.”
“So, they checked me out good, and luckily, everything’s alright. Ever since then, I’ve been wearing my guardian angel.”
“Poor Hank, he must have been some shook up.”
“You bet he was. Oh, he joked around saying it’s a good thing I’m so hard headed. But I could tell he was feeling pretty guilty about the whole thing.”
“So, let’s see, I’m guessing you got your new bathroom, right?”
“You betcha! They’re installing it next week.”
That’s it for now. Catch you on the flip side!
Hear Ida Tell It: The Incident at Home Depot