You know how up to camp, especially one that’s been in the family a long time, there are these tacky knickknacks that no one has the heart to get rid of? Sure the stuff’s ugly, but they’re part of the overall ambiance of the place, and camp just wouldn’t be the same without ‘em.
Camp is like your catch-all closet, only bigger. Don’t know what to do with the thing? Bring it up to camp. There are the mismatched mugs with logos from
businesses that don’t exist anymore. Your kids pottery projects or, let’s be honest here, your pottery projects from when you were a kid. Ceramics gone horribly wrong. You know what I’m talking about. Aunt Alice decided to take a ceramics class and along with the miniature ceramic Christmas tree, she decided to put her questionable talent to work on a serving bowl shaped like a baked potato. Aunt Alice is died years ago, but that serving 
bowl is darn near indestructible. And don’t forget them plaques made especially for camp, the ones that say what you’re actually thinking, but are too polite to verbalize.
Our friends Dot and Tommy bought their camp from Dottie’s parents.
It’s just filled to the gills with the aforementioned geegaws. We’ve been going up there since we were kids, and are still discovering tchotchkes (obviously I had to look up the spelling on this one and, honey, it took a while) we haven’t noticed before. Why? Because our gang of friends takes pleasure in finding ugly stuff at yard sales or down to the swap shop, sneaking it into camp and leaving it there!
One of the original treasures that came with the place are these two ceramic animals hanging on the wall in the stairway up to the second floor. They kind of look like squirrels, but have buck teeth, so who knows, they could be beavers. We started calling ‘em “squeavers.” Dottie’s cousin Steve, who’s wicked smart, even came up of the scientific name for the species: Squeaverius Schoodii.
The squeavers have become this never ending source of entertainment because every once and a while, after a few drinks, we start making up squeaver limericks. Here are some of the best (and least dirty) ones.
Steve come up with this one.
The curio hung in the one seater
Had the face and buck teeth of a beaver
But the tail of a squirrel on this curious churl
Made it quite plain it was neither
‘Twas the scurrilous Schoodic Lake Squeaver
The rest of these were kind of a communal effort.
Have you heard of the Schoodic Lake Squeaver?
Who’s not quite a squirrel or a beaver?
A hunter bagged two
And gave them to Sue
What a hell of a present to leave her!
And then there’s the Schoodic Lake Squeavers
Both rather underachievers
Who hang on the wall
Doing nothing at all
But grin like possessed little beavers
A rogue of a squirrel loved a beaver
But then he decided to leave her
The kid that they had
Grew up buck-toothed and bad
And was known far and wide as “The Squeaver”
“Caught a squirrel with the teeth of a beaver!”
Said the girl, but no one believed her
She brought it to class
Where it bit someone’s ass
And declared, “I am The Squeaver!”
It’s amazing what you can accomplish with a little inspiration and a liberal amount of alcohol.
That’s it for now. Catch you on the flip side!
Here Ida Tell It: The Squeaver