Remember last week, I was talking about cleaning our oven? Well, the thing I didn’t tell you, the thing that really got me on that was the night when I put the oven on to preheat and a little fire started inside. Wow, I thought, my mother and grandmother would be so disappointed in me. What a bad house keeper I am! So I tried to redeem myself by cleaning the oven.
But then I started noticing little mouse droppings in a cupboard, behind the pepper grinder on the counter, near the sink. They were subtle. At first, I mistook them for a partially ground peppercorn, but eventually the penny dropped.
I thought back to when I last used the oven. Maybe baking sweet potatoes a while back? Couldn’t recall. It’s not that I don’t cook. It’s just that during the winter, especially, my crockpot’s become my best friend. I use it all the time. I think of that fire in the oven and remember it was coming from underneath the bottom of the stove where the gas jets are, not from the miscellaneous drips of gunk in plain sight. My heart sinks.
I told Charlie about it and he confirms what I was fearing, “Mice, Ida. I bet that was the beginning of a little nest.”
“Oh, gross! But you know, come to think of it, that fire didn’t really smell like food…”
“Well, I’m sure between the fire and you running the self cleaner, them mice are history and all the coodies are gone.”
Oh, I wish I could say he was right, I really do. But one was left. Like Arnold, the Terminator, stepping out of the fire unscathed, our mouse persevered. We’d see him at night sometimes, silently darting behind the cutting board.
I was hoping the mouse would go away on it’s own. It’s spring! Go outside and play, right? But no, the little thing just got more and more bold. And Scamp was useless. Oh, every once and awhile, I’d see him poking his nose under the couch or staring at a closet door, but then he’d go back to doing what he does best: napping.
One night, Charlie and me were sitting there, eating dinner, minding our own business, and we hear this rattle in the spice cabinet, under the kitchen sink, or somewhere ‘round there. Come on! I’m thinking, can’t you wait until we’re asleep? You’re asking for it, Buster!
I even walked over to the cabinet, opened the door and I says to the mouse, “Okay, it’s time for you to leave. If you stay, this is not going to end well for you.”
And the mouse stopped. For a bit. Then Charlie goes to do the dishes the next night and the mouse is in the sink. Then he’s out of the sink and behind the spoon container. Scamp’s sitting on his bed, yawning and staring into space, no doubt thinking deep doggie thoughts.
Resigned, I says to Charlie, “Time to put on your hunting gear, dear.”
“Mice Capades, here we come.”
Charlie is referring to the metal tin we keep our mouse traps in. And yes, we have tried the Have a Heart trap (or the “mouse relocation service,” as Charlie likes to call ‘em). They don’t really work. If you put the mouse outside in your yard, they just come right back in. And Charlie has no patience for driving around with the mouse and making it someone else’s problem. So, Charlie waits ‘til we’re ready to go to bed before he bates the trap with a little peanut butter. Crunchy. Says that works best. Might as well make his last supper haute cuisine.
In the morning, I’m puttering around the bedroom, pulling myself together for a little walk with Scamp, our less-than-great white hunter. Suddenly, Charlie bolts for the kitchen in his boxers and t-shirt, not even stopping at the bathroom en route. A few minutes later, I walk in and see Charlie putting a plastic shopping bag on the door. I know the mouse is inside, though I can’t see it through the bag. Charlie spared me. He’ll take the bag with him to dispose of at work.
“Thanks, Charlie!”
“You’re welcome, Sweetheart.”
And that, folks, is love, pure and simple.
That’s it for now. Catch you on the flip side!
Hear Ida Tell It: The Terminator Returns
Coming Up This Week
April 12: Book Reading: Finding Your Inner Moose, Windham Public Library http://www.windham.lib.me.us/, 6:00pm, Windham, ME
Upcoming Book Events and Performances
May 19: Book Launch: The Sweet Life, details TBA
May 24: Book Reading: The Sweet Life, Patten Free Library, http://www.patten.lib.me.us/ 6:30pm, Bath, ME
May 28: Ida: Woman Who Runs With the Moose, The Castel on Charles http://www.castlenh.com/ 8:00pm, Rochester, NH
June 2: Book Reading: The Sweet Life, Hubbard Free Library, http://www.hubbardfree.org/ 6:00pm, Hallowell, ME
June 25: The Best of Ida, Celebration Barn Theater, http://www.celebrationbarn.com/ 8:00pm, South Paris, ME