Over the weekend, we went to a great Valentine’s Day Brunch at Betty and Pat’s. It was the usual suspects: Celeste and Bud, Rita and Smitty, Betty and Pat, Dot and Tommy, Shirley and Junior and me and Charlie. The food, I must say, was out of this world! I mean, what’s not to like about a meal that includes bacon and mimosas?
Afterwards, we’re sittin’ around the livin’ room, enjoyin’ the wood stove and swappin’ stories, you know, like only old friends do. And because it was Valentine’s Day, these stories had a kind of lovey-dovey theme to ‘em.
Junior told the one where he and Shirley were neckin’ up to Makeout Point, and he forgot to put the parking brake on. And Celeste told the one where she and Bud went camping and somehow managed to pitch their tent in a cow field and the cows kept wakin’ them up, lickin’ their tent. Then Pat goes, ”Remember that time we were all partyin’ up to Dot and Tommy’s camp?”
Shirley jumps in, “Geez, Pat, which time? We’ve been partyin’ up there since high school.”
“The one where Charlie and Ida went out in the canoe.”
“Oh, no,” mumbles Charlie.
“Yes!” Dot replies. “How could we could we forget that canoe trip!” And everyone laughs and nod their heads.
“We don’t think we have to get into that again,” I says.
“Refresh my memory,” Tommy continues, like he’s clueless.
Betty goes, “I think it was someone’s anniversary.”
“Or Fourth of July,” adds Bud. ‘Cause it was some hot, as I recall.”
“Doesn’t matter,” Pat replies. “Let’s just say it was a long time ago. Must’ve been. The kids were little, all bunked down in the loft.
“So it’s time to go to bed, right? And we’re discussin’ sleepin’ arrangements, flipping a coin to see who gets a bed and who’s slummin’ it in the tent. ‘That’s OK,’ says Charlie, ‘Me and my sweetheart’ll sleep in the canoe.’”
“Seemed like a good idea at the time,” Charlie quips.
“To be honest,” I add, “it kinda took me by surprise, but I figured, What the heck?”
Shirley goes, “Well, I don’t blame you. Charlie was lookin’ a little frisky that night, I remember.” And everybody chuckles.
“Geez, that canoe can’t have been too comfortable,” Betty chimes in.
“Where there’s a will, there’s a way,” and Charlie winks at me.
“Probably like doin’ it on a water bed,” Rita says. “I hated ours. Kinda made us seasick, huh, Smitty?”
“Yeah,” goes Smitty, “once you got the thing goin’!” Again, much laughter.
I’m thinkin’ we’re on to another story, but Pat picks it up again. “So back to Tippy Canoe and Ida, too! The next morning, dawn’s breakin’, heads are splittin’…”
He looks at me, and I pick up my cue, “I hear the engine of a boat drawin’ near. ‘Charlie!’ I whisper, ‘wake up!’ Charlie peaks over the edge of the canoe and sees a boat coming fast. ‘Ida, put on your life vest. Quick!’ ‘But what about my clothes?’ I ask. He says, ‘No time. Maybe they won’t notice.’”
“Won’t notice?” Shirley jumps in, and everybody laughs.
“I’m thinkin’, Wow, this life vest is a lot looser without clothes. Then I notice poor Charlie strugglin’ to get his on. That’s when I realize in our rush to put ‘em on, I ended up with Charlie’s and him with mine. But there’s no time to switch, ‘cause the boat is right on us. Turns out, it was the game warden. What’s his face?”
“Gus,” goes Tommy. “Gus Turner. Or Tobey Roy.”
“It was Gus,” Charlie says. “I still remember the look on his face. ‘You folks, okay?’ he asks.’”
“’Oh, yes, officer,’ I says. ‘Just out for an early mornin’ paddle.’”
“Ida was cool as a cumber, like canoein’ buck naked except for your life vest was an every day thing.”
“Gus doesn’t skip a beat. ‘Didn’t see anyone in the canoe. I wanted to make sure it hadn’t drifted away from a dock.’”
“No, no, I says, we’re fine. Just gettin’ a jump start on the day!’”
“I think I might of seen a flicker of a smile on Gus’s face, and then he replies, ‘Glad to see you’re takin’ safety precautions. But you might want to switch up those vests. Have a nice day.’ And vroom, off he goes. And none too soon, either, ‘cause I felt a gigglin’ fit comin’ on.”
“God, did we bust a gut, huh, Ida? How could you not? ‘Glad you’re taking safety precautions.’”
“I got to laughin’ so hard, would have pee’d my pants….”
“…. if you was wearnin’ any!”
That’s it for now. Catch you on the flip side!
Hear Ida Tell It: Tippy Canoe and Ida, too
Upcoming Shows and Book Events
February 17: Filming The View From He’ah, with guest Drika Overton, 7:00 p.m., PPMtv, Portsmouth, NH
March 12: Catching Up With Ida, Cumberland County Retired Educators, 1:00 p.m., Portland, ME
March 28 & 29: The Moose in Me, The Moose in You, The Footlights, Saturday at 7:30 p.m. & Sunday at 2:00 p.m., Falmouth, ME
May 26: Book Reading Finding Your Inner Moose, Old Town Public Library, 11:00 a.m., Old Town, ME
For a good time, call Ida! I love entertaining groups, small and large! The following are wicked fun for after lunch, after dinner, rewards banquets, keynote speeches and what not.
The Moose in Me, The Moose in You!