When is a bargain a bargain, and when is it a waste of time and money? Case in point:
What a Deal
On my way home from the dump
I stopped at someone’s sale
I smelled a bargain lurking, and
This nose, it doesn’t fail
I zoomed in on some rubber boots
They just jumped out at me
The kind you’d wear for hunting ducks,
That come up to your knee
LaCrosse 800’s what they were
And just as good as new
They looked about my size, and fully
Insulated, too
“Are you a ten?” the woman asked
Ten is what I wear
“Then they should fit you good and snug
And keep you dry out there”
Great! I told her, What you asking?
“Roger wanted ten, but
I’ll let you have the pair for five”
Good, we’re settled then
What a deal! I drove off thinking
How could I go wrong?
I’ve wanted to replace my leaky
Boots for oh, so long
Shy of waders, they’ll be great
When I’m out on the marsh
Standing in the water
As the weather’s turning harsh
I shook ‘em out when I got home
No critters lived inside
The first one fit me good and snug
The woman hadn’t lied
But when I tried to take it off,
I was out of luck
I yanked and pulled, but man, my foot
Was seriously stuck
I tried to point my toe
But my heal was saying no
Kept tuggin’ to and fro, but
It had nowhere to go
Ida! Come and help me, please,
I’m in a kind of jam
This stupid boot has trapped my foot
In tighter than a clam!
Once she finished laughing,
We began our tug of war
What if I pop out, I thought,
We’ll end up on the floor!
Profanity was flying
With our faces turning red
“We’ll have to cut it off!” she yells
No! is what I said
“Well, if it’s tighter than a clam
Let’s try boiling water!”
Suddenly, the boot it budged
And came off like it oughta
“Wow!” she says, triumphant
As she straightened out her clothes
“I really hope you didn’t go
And pay a lot for those”
A yard sale bargain’s what they were
Five dollars for the pair
And man, I’m glad I didn’t
Try ‘em on while I was there!
Truth be told, I probably could’ve pulled harder if I wasn’t laughing so hard. Not a total loss, though. A least Charlie got a poem out of it.
That’s it for now. Catch you on the flip side!
Hear Ida Tell It: When is a Bargain a Bargain?